


wtFOCK: Season 3.5

by wtfanfics



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 34,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22202593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wtfanfics/pseuds/wtfanfics
Summary: Read what happens in Robbe and Sander's lives after the end of season 3 in the same format as the series: daily clips. Each chapter is a week of daily 'clips'.
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 16
Kudos: 194





	1. ‘I guess I’ve just had a lot on my mind.’

SATUDAY JANUARY 4 10:34

Sander feels his body and mind slowly wake up from a deep sleep. He opens his eyes. The sun shines ever so slightly through the gap in the curtains. He rolls over to see that the bed next to him is empty. He figures Robbe must already be up, and he doesn’t blame him considering Sander’s sleeping schedule is relatively unpredictable and it is always a guess when he will wake up. He grabs his phone which is lying on the nightstand and looks at the time. 10:34. He sighs and sits up in the bed. He looks around Robbe’s room, which looks as much Sander’s as Robbe’s at this point. Sander has been staying there for almost three weeks now and his clothes and drawing supplies are cluttered all over the floor and desk. He grabs the nearest shirt and pants and puts them on. He walks out into the hallway and looks around to see if he can find Robbe, but the only person he can find is Milan drinking his coffee in the kitchen.  
‘Do you know where Robbe is?’ Sander asks with a slightly husky voice. Milan finishes taking a sip of his coffee and says:  
‘He went out to buy croissants.’  
‘Perfect, I’m super hungry.’ Sander says. He grabs a mug from the cupboard and pours himself a cup of coffee.  
‘I really thought the coffee consumption in this household would decrease after Senne left but you’re even worse than him.’ Milan jokes.  
‘I need coffee to get my creative juices flowing.’  
Milan snorts. Sander hears the front door open and close, meaning Robbe and his croissants have returned. Robbe pops his head around the corner.  
‘Fresh croissants.’ He says, jokingly imitating the way Sander had said it when he bought Robbe croissants a few weeks ago. He walks up to Sander and stands slightly on his toes to give him a peck.  
‘Good morning’ He says.  
‘Morning.’  
Sander snatches the bag of croissants from Robbe’s hands and looks inside.  
‘Did you get them from the bakery?’ He asks.  
‘No I didn’t feel like going that far. I got them from the supermarket across the street.’ Robbe replies.  
‘That’ll be zero stars on Booking.com, then’  
‘Zero? I should get at least two for the effort.’  
‘One, take it or leave it.’  
Robbe laughs, he wraps his arms around Sander’s neck and kisses him. Sander loses himself completely in the gentle touch of Robbe’s lips, and for a second the whole world disappears. But he quickly gets reminded that Milan is still there:  
‘I’m glad Sander is moving back home tomorrow because I can’t stand to be around you two lovebirds anymore.’ He complains. Robbe’s lips leave Sander’s but his arms stay clinging around his neck.  
‘Jealous?’ Robbe jokes.  
‘Annoyed.’ Milan states. ‘It was cute three weeks ago but you’re just way too happy together.’  
Sander smiles and goes back to kissing Robbe. Butterflies fill his stomach and the whole world disappears again. Nothing matters in that moment except for Robbe and the love he has for him. The past three weeks have been a blessing. Getting to be with Robbe every single day, getting to feel the warmth of lips and the touch of his skin. Getting to feel so safe and loved, in a way he has never felt with anyone before.  
‘I don’t want to go home tomorrow.’ Sander says when their lips finally break apart again. He leans his forehead against Robbe’s and they stare into each other’s eyes.  
‘Then stay.’ Robbe suggests. Sander laughs.  
‘I want to. I really do but I feel like you will get on my mother’s bad side if you kidnap me for too long.’  
Robbe loosens his grip and distances his forehead from Sander’s.  
‘You think I’m on your mother’s good side?’ He says joyfully.  
‘Absolutely, she adores you.’ Sander assures him. Robbe smiles broadly, allowing his cute dimples to appear. Sander loves it so much when Robbe smiles.  
‘Maybe she can make croques for me once upon a Sunday, then.’ He jokes.  
‘What?’ Sander stammers, suddenly pulled back to reality from his Robbe-induced love trance.  
‘You told me your mom makes croques on Sundays for your entire family.’ Robbe says.  
‘Oh yeah, of course.’ Sander says. ‘I’ll ask her.’ Sander feels the spell that Robbe’s love and affection had him under fade away quickly. He can hear Robbe still talking to him but is unable to focus on what he is saying. His mind is suddenly going a million miles an hour. The world feels distant to him again, but not in the way Robbe made it feel distant, this time it feels like the world is escaping from him and he can’t hold on.  
‘Sander?’ Robbe’s voice is what allows him to get a grip on the world again. Robbe is always what allows him to get a grip on the world again. He’s the person that makes him feel grounded and safe when it all gets a little too much.  
‘Yeah, sorry.’ Sander says. Robbe rests his palm on Sander’s face, the feeling of Robbe’s touch calms him down.  
‘Everything alright?’ Robbe’s says softly, his eyes meet Sander’s.  
‘I’m fine don’t worry.’ Sander says.  
‘Are you sure?’  
‘100%’  
Sander smiles and lifts the bag of croissants he had been holding the entire time.  
‘Croissants?’ He asks. Robbe takes the bag out of his hands.  
‘Croissants.’

SATURDAY JANUARY 4 16:47

Robbe is the third of his friends to arrive at the skatepark. They’re going to a concert together and decided to hang out and go to the snack bar beforehand. He spots Aaron and Moyo sitting on a bench, looking at the giant mural of his face on the wall across the water. Moyo notices as Robbe approaches and yells out to him:  
‘Look the real thing is here, too.’  
‘In the flesh.’ Robbe jokes.  
‘Robbe, fakka?’ Moyo greets him with a high five.  
‘Ça va.’  
‘You know, I’ve only now leaned to appreciate that mural. That is some real art.’ Aaron comments. Robbe chuckles.  
‘What do you know about art?´  
‘Not much but I know good art when I see it, people have told me I have good taste.’  
‘Who? You mother? You know she has to say that because he’s your mother, right?’ Moyo jokes. Aaron looks at him, clearly annoyed. Robbe laughs and sits on the wall, resting his feet on the bench.  
‘Speaking of, what is the artist doing tonight?’ Aaron asks.  
‘Sander?’  
‘Yes, Sander. Unless you have another secret admirer you haven’t told us about.’  
‘You better not, you’ve had better luck with love in two months than I’ve had my entire life.’ Moyo jokes.  
‘I don’t know what he’s doing, he’s probably just at the flatshare but he could be hanging out with some people.’ Robbe replies.  
‘You don’t know?’ Aaron asks, clearly surprised.  
‘No, do you know what Amber is doing tonight?’  
‘No but she’s not sick.’  
‘Aaron.’ Moyo snarls. ‘Sander isn’t some delicate flower just because he has bipolar disorder.’  
Moyo hadn’t been the best friend before Robbe came out, and not even when he did come out. But he has really been trying his best to redeem himself and show his support. He’s been a big help to Robbe regarding bipolar disorder; what to do and what not to do. One of the most important things Robbe learned from him is that he shouldn’t tiptoe around Sander and feel the need to protect and control him all the time. It’s important to give him space and let him live his life, but be there for him when he needs it.  
‘Yeah, I’m not his babysitter,’ Robbe affirmed. ‘He’s an adult, he can decide for himself what he wants to do with his evening. I trust him.’  
‘I just thought-‘ Aaron started, but a voice interrupted him:  
‘Maybe you shouldn’t think, that usually ends in disasters.’ Jens had overheard some of the conversation and joins the rest of the squad.  
‘You don’t even know what we’re talking about.’ Aaron complains.  
‘No but I do know that when you try to use your one whole braincell, bad things happen.’  
The boys chuckle.  
‘Alright. Now that we’re all here, let’s leave.’ Robbe suggests, wanting to avoid the awkward conversation he was probably about to have with Aaron. Also, he feels kind of uncomfortable sitting in front of a giant mural of his face, he’s pretty sure he’s noticed people staring at him.  
‘Alright, let’s go.’ Aaron says. Robbe jumps off the bench and Moyo and Aaron stand up and the four of them head off.

SUNDAY JANUARY 5 15:09

Sander picks a shirt off the ground and stuffs it in his bag. He feels sad that he won’t be staying at the flatshare anymore, being with Robbe everyday had made him feel so safe and loved. Also, Milan and Zoë are the best flatmates anyone could ever ask for. Neither of them have been weird since Sander’s episode, and they have been very open with and supportive of Sander and Robbe. But, Sander also feels guilty about abandoning his mother. He called and visited her plenty, and even brought Robbe along a few times, but for the rest she had been all alone.  
‘I like this one a lot. Who’s the girl?’ Robbe asks while holding up a multi-colored painting of a young girl. He has been gathering all of Sander’s art supplies that are cluttered all over his room. Sander feels bad about making Robbe’s room such a mess, but he told him to make himself at home, and at home his room looked like an art studio with supplies cluttered all over.  
‘She’s a family friend.’ Sander replies. ‘You can have it if you want.’ Robbe smiles and adds it to an already large stack of Sander’s artworks. Sander feels so flattered that Robbe wants to keep so much of it, he has even already framed some of his favorite pieces and put them up on the wall.  
Sander grabs one of Robbe’s sweaters, which he wants to take with him. He almost manages to sneak it into his bag before Robbe exclaims:  
‘Hey, that’s not yours!’  
Sander laughs.  
‘Oh my, you’re right. But now that I have it in my hand already I might as well just put it in my bag.’ He jokes.  
‘No give it back.’ Robbe approaches him, but he holds the sweater above his head so that Robbe just can’t reach it.  
It’s a souvenir.’ Sander claims, laughing at his annoyed boyfriend. ‘Let me just have this one sweater.  
Robbe shakes his head.  
‘No, no. It starts with one sweater and before I know it my entire wardrobe is empty.’ He says. Sander laughs.  
‘I’m not giving it back.’ He smirks.  
‘No?’  
‘No.’ Before Sander has the time to realize what is happening, Robbe throws his arms around Sander’s neck and kisses him. The warm feeling of Robbe’s lips immediately make Sander weak and vulnerable. He drops his arm down, completely mesmerized by Robbe and his warm lips. Then he feels the sweater get pulled from his hand, Robbe immediately breaks away from the kiss and laughs.  
‘I win!’ He giggles.  
‘I can’t believe you’d trick me like that.’ Sander complains, making an effort to look exaggeratedly sad.  
‘Awh.’ Robbe mocks, laying the sweater of a chair. ‘I can’t believe you fell for it.’  
Sander laughs, and before Robbe can say anything else Sander pushes him on the bed, and they both fall. Sander starts kissing Robbe. They get lost in each other, feeling each other’s touch, being so in sync that it feels like they’re one. The way Sander feels when he is kissing and feeling Robbe is something he has never felt with anyone before. The love, the safety, but also the intensity. It somehow feels like a dream, but so real at the same time. He feels so connected to the world, but also like he’s floating. For just a minute he forgets about the rest of the world – until he hears the door open. Sander and Robbe look at the door and see Zoë standing in the opening. Sander lets out a deep sigh.  
‘Zoë.’ Robbe complains.  
‘Sorry.’ She says.  
‘What is it?’ Robbe whines, clearly just as annoyed at being interrupted by Zoë as Sander.  
‘How does this room still look just as messy as it did when I was here an hour ago? What have you been doing?’ She asks. Sander and Robbe look at each other, back at Zoë and both start laughing. Zoë rolls her eyes.  
‘Anyway, I’m going to the store, do you need anything?’ She asks. Robbe sighs.  
‘You’re really bothering us for that?’ He complains.  
‘Yes.’  
‘Actually, I just realized I do need something.’  
‘What?’  
‘A sign that says keep out.’ He jokes.  
‘Okay. Remember I did ask you so don’t complain when I come back and didn’t bring anything for you.’ Zoë says as she starts to close the door.  
‘Zoë.’ Robbe calls just before she closes the door. ‘Sorry. I do actually need some cereal.’  
‘Fine.’ She says, clearly annoyed. ‘Sorry for disturbing you. Carry on.’  
She closes the door, and Robbe and Sander are alone again.

MONDAY JANUARY 6 12:55

Sander is sitting in the library, a bunch of books are spread out in front of him. He tries to study but the information isn’t entering his brain. Exam weeks have started and he still as a lot to do. He did study during the Christmas break. He tried his best, at least. As much as he loves Robbe, having him around while studying is like having a puppy around; very cute and entertaining but also very disruptive. Since Robbe had already finished his exams, he got very annoyed when Sander tried to study, constantly looking for attention and distracting him with touching and kisses. Sander sighs when he thinks about the amount of work he still has to do. He looks at his phone to see if Robbe as sent him any new messages, even though he knows he has class right now. Sander didn’t expect that he’d start missing Robbe so soon. He would have to wait at least another day to see him again, since his mother demands he says home with her tonight. He suddenly feels a tap on his shoulder. He looks up to see his friend Laura, a fellow art student, towering above him. She crouches down so that she can whisper in his ear:  
‘You need a study break. Let’s go.’  
‘But I have so much to do.’ Sander whispers.  
‘Ten minutes. Come on.’ Laura grabs Sander’s arm and starts to drag him out of his chair.  
‘Fine, fine. Ten minutes.’ He gathers his books and stuffs them in his bag. He follows Laura out of the library, when they can finally talk out loud, she starts a conversation.  
‘How is it going? How were the holidays?’ She asks. Sander thinks for a while about what to answer. Did he enjoy spending the holidays with Robbe? Absolutely. Was it all overwhelming at times? Definitely. He’s happy to be back at school, such a familiar and safe space.  
‘It’s going. And the holidays were –‘ Sander thinks for a second before continuing. ‘They were.’ He decided to end the sentence there, as he is unable to find proper words to describe what the holidays had been like. He felt happy and safe with Robbe, but what happened with Sinterklaas never really left his thoughts.  
‘You don’t have to say anything to me that isn’t true, you know that.’ Laura reassures him.  
‘I guess I’ve just had a lot on my mind.’ He explains.  
‘Because of your new boyfriend? What was his name?’  
‘Robbe. No it’s not him, he’s actually been a great help the past few weeks. I feel like he really gets me.’ Sander feels a broad smile appear on his face. Laura looks at him and notices it.  
‘I’m really glad he makes you this happy.’ She says. ‘It’s nice to see you smile.’ Sander blushes.  
They reach the courtyard and spot two of their friends sitting on a bench. They head over and are immediately greeted by an overly excited girl, her name is Mirthe. She’s a theater student and rarely in a bad mood. She’s very loud and outgoing, and definitely the most fashionable of the group.  
‘Sander! Laura! How are you? How was your break?’ She exclaims, hugging the both of them. Sander looks at Laura, raising his eyebrows at her, she laughs.  
‘How are you this energetic on a Monday?’ Ruben, who can’t be bothered to get up, complains. He’s a photography student. He’s relatively introverted and likes to look at the world through a camera lens. Right now, he’s looking at a group of students sitting across from them, constantly zooming in and out, looking at their individual faces. Mirthe grabs the camera out of his hands.  
‘We’ve talked about this, Ruben. You look like a stalker when you do that.’ She says. ‘And how can you be so dull on a day as beautiful as this?’  
‘But everything looks so much better through a camera. I’m looking for the perfect specimen for my next project.’ Ruben claims, snatching his camera back. ‘And you think every day is beautiful. What even qualifies as a bad day for you?’  
Mirthe opens her mouth to talk when she’s interrupted.  
‘It’s good to see you’re back, Sander. How’s it going?’ Iliass has joined the conversation, the final member of the group. He studies graphic design and is by far the smartest of the group.  
‘Ça va. Ça va.’ Sander replies. ‘What about you? Glad to see you survived your trip.’  
‘It was so dope.’ Iliass states.  
‘Wait, where did you go?’ Laura asks.  
‘The Ardennes with my cousins. We did a lot of rock climbing and mountain biking.’  
‘In the winter? Weren’t you cold?’ Ruben asks.  
‘I don’t get cold, Ruben.’ Iliass states confidently.  
‘So.’ Mirthe stars after a while of silence. ‘Sander. Tell us about Robbe. He goes to the Atheneum, right? He looks nice. Do you love him? Is he the one? When can we meet him?’  
‘Slow down Mirthe.’ Sander laughs. ‘First off, I never even told you where he goes to school. How do you know that?’ Sander looks at her suspiciously.  
Ruben laughs and points his camera at Mirthe, zooming in on her face.  
‘Looks like I’m not the only stalker anymore.’ He jokes. Mirthe slaps Ruben on the shoulder. He laughs and puts his camera down.  
‘I was just looking out for my friend. I care for him and want what’s best for him.’ She justifies.  
‘Well, he’s really smitten this time.’ Laura comments, looking at Sander’s blushing face, the rest of the group notice him blushing, too.  
‘Awh you are in love.’ Iliass says. ‘That’s so sweet.’ Sander tries his best not to smile, but he can’t help himself. He really does love Robbe. So much. He can’t wait for his friends to meet him, but he doesn’t want to make it too obvious. He pulls himself together and puts on a serious face.  
‘Well, you can only meet him if you behave.’ He states.  
‘I’ll behave. I promise.’ Laura laughs.  
‘Me, too.’ Ruben says.  
‘Me three.’ Iliass jokes. Silence follows. Ruben slaps Mirthe, urging her to say something.  
‘What?’ She says. ‘I’m not making any promises I can’t keep.’ The group laughs. Sander zones out while his friends continue their conversation, taking the time to appreciate them. Looking at their laughs and smiles, wondering what he did to deserve them.

TUESDAY JANUARY 7 10:13

Robbe is standing in the courtyard with his friends. They are chatting with each other, laughing with each other.  
‘I’m telling you she was so hot. Hold on I have a picture.’ Moyo claims, grabbing his phone out of his pocket and looking for a picture. Robbe is unaware of who they’re talking about, and he doesn’t really care. Moyo finally finds the picture and shows it to Jens.  
‘You think that’s hot?’ Jens says with a look of disgust on his face. Moyo shakes his head in disbelief and shows Aaron the picture.  
‘Come on, look at her. You think she’s hot, right?’ Moyo demands. Aaron laughs.  
‘I don’t know, there’s something off about her, man.’ He laughs, Jens nods in agreement. Finally, Moyo shows Robbe the picture. Robbe sighs, he could really care less about this whole conversation.  
‘Come on, you agree with me, right?’ Moyo pleads.  
‘I’m really not the person to ask this.’ Robbe laughs.  
‘You used to talk about hot girls all the time.’ Moyo says.  
‘Yeah, with emphasis on used to.’ Robbe says. ‘Now, I really don’t care.’  
‘You’re all blind.’ Moyo says.  
‘She’s just not my type, man.’ Aaron explains.  
‘How is this not your type?’ Moyo complains. ‘What is your type, then?’  
‘Amber.’ Jens says.  
‘Amber.’ Robbe agrees.  
‘What about Amber?’ A voice says, they turn around to see Amber and the rest of the girls.  
‘That you’re so wonderful.’ Aaron stammers, he gives Amber a peck. The conversation continues but Robbe is distracted by Jana.  
‘Robbe.’ She says. ‘Can we talk somewhere?’  
‘The two of us?’ Robbe asks.  
‘Yes, the two of us. Now come on.’ Jana gestures for Robbe to come. He follows her, curious about what she wants to say. They find a relatively private bench and sit down.  
‘So. What is it?’ Robbe asks. Jana takes a breath.  
‘I just wanted to apologize.’ She starts. ‘Again.’  
‘You better not be making a habit out of this.’ Robbe jokes. She laughs.  
‘I shouldn’t have gotten involved in something I know nothing about, and I’m sorry.’ She says  
‘You were just looking out for Britt, and for me. I don’t blame you.’ He replies.  
‘Yes, but I shouldn’t have spoken for Sander. I barely knew him and claimed to know what was best for him and how he’s feeling and I really shouldn’t have.’ She explains.  
‘It sounds like you’re apologizing to the wrong person.’ Robbe states.  
‘Do you think I should apologize to Sander?’ Jana asks.  
‘I think you should do whatever you want, but it seems like you’re apologizing to me for something you should be apologizing to Sander for.’ He says.  
‘Alright.’ Jana says. ‘But I’m here now anyway so I’m sorry for misleading you.’  
‘Apology accepted.’ Robbe replies, smiling.  
‘I’m glad.’ Jana replies, she smiles back, gets up and starts walking away, but just before she’s out of earshot Robbe calls:  
‘Jana.’ She turns around, Robbe stands up and approaches her.  
‘Thank you, for taking the time to apologize. Both times. You didn’t have to.’ He tells her. She smiles.  
‘You’re welcome.’ She replies. ‘And of course I had to.’ She smiles and just as she starts walking away again, she stops in her tracks.  
‘I don’t know if I’m the right person to tell you this but I think maybe you should talk to Britt.’ She says. Robbe hesitates.  
‘You think so?’ He finally says.  
‘I just think it might be good for the two of you to just talk everything out like adults. Besides, I want to throw parties where I can invite the both of you without it being weird.’ Jana explains.  
‘I really don’t know if it ever won’t be weird.’ Robbe jokes. He thinks about Jana’s suggestion. Maybe he should talk to Britt. They’re in the same class they see each other all the time, he’s bound to have a confrontation with her at some point. Maybe it’s best if he invites her to get coffee and talk things over. He should at least ask Sander first, Robbe doesn’t want to do anything he’s not comfortable with. They’ve barely even talked about the whole Britt situation.  
‘I’ll think about it.’ Robbe finally says. Jana smiles and walks off, leaving Robbe pondering about what she just suggested.

WEDNESDAY JANUARY 8 16:16

Robbe is happy another school day has passed. He walks along the corridor with his friends while they are discussing how a teacher unfairly graded their tests. As soon as Robbe is out of the door two hands cover his eyes.  
‘Guess who.’ A voice says. It doesn’t even take Robbe a single second to recognize the voice. He pushes the hands away from his face and turns around. Sander’s face is only a few centimeters away from his, allowing Robbe to look into his beautiful green eyes. They’ve only had to miss each other since Sunday, but after spending every day together for almost three weeks it feels like a lifetime.  
‘Hey.’ Robbe says, smiling from ear to ear. He grabs Sander’s face and softly kisses him. He has missed the touch of Sander’s lips so much. Of course they had been texting and calling each other non-stop the past three days, but there’s nothing like feeling the touch of his skin and lips.  
‘What are you doing here? You told me you’d be coming to the flatshare.’ Robbe asks, still smiling.  
‘I know but I just couldn’t wait any longer.’ Sander replies, giving Robbe a peck.  
‘How did your exam go?’ Robbe asks, his arms around his boyfriend’s neck.  
‘It went well.’  
‘I’m glad.’  
‘I’ll be expecting a reward tonight.’  
Robbe smiles and gives him a suggestive look, then unwraps his arms, grabs Sander’s face and kisses him. Robbe runs his hands through Sander’s hair. Then, he hears an exaggerated cough coming from behind him. Robbe and Sander’s lips disconnect and Robbe turns around, still clinging to Sander with one arm.  
‘Are you done? We’re still here, in case you forgot.’ Jens says jokingly, but clearly annoyed. The boy squad are still standing there. Robbe and Sander look at each other.  
‘I didn’t tell you to stay.’ Robbe replies.  
‘We’re going to the skatepark together.’ Moyo states. Robbe looks at Sander, then back at his friends.  
‘That’s not going to happen anymore, is it?’ Moyo asks.  
‘I think not.’ Robbe states, not taking his eyes off Sander. ‘You guys have fun though.’  
‘Okay see you tomorrow, then.’ Jens says, the boys turn around and start walking away. As they’re walking away Aaron looks back at Robbe and Sander.  
‘It was a joy to see you again, Sander.’ He comments, and then continues walking. Sander raises his eyebrows, Robbe notices and laughs.  
‘I find that ignoring him is sometimes the best option.’ He jokes.  
‘Aaron really is something. How he landed Amber will always blow my mind.’ Sander replies.  
‘Speaking of, how do you-‘ Robbe starts, but Sander cuts him off:  
‘Let’s go.’ Sander grabs Robbe’s arm and the two of them head off to the flatshare.

WEDNESDAY JANUARY 8 19:32

Milan grabs all the ingredients out of his shopping bag, reading the recipe for what he’s trying to make off his phone. Zoë suggested that he should make something healthy, so he decided to try to make quinoa, something he’s never heard of. When he’s finished unloading the shopping bag he hears two sets of footsteps in the hallway. He turns his head to see Robbe and Sander peaking around the corner.  
‘What are you making?’ Robbe asks as he walks into the kitchen. When he stands still, Sander wraps an arm around him, hugging him from behind.  
‘Something I can’t pronounce. Quinn noah? Quinn wah?’ Milan replies, he shows them the box.  
‘Quinoa.’ A voice sounds from the hallway, Zoë overheard the conversation and decides to join in. She enters the kitchen and makes starts making herself a cup of tea. Robbe grabs the box of quinoa from Milan’s hands and looks at it.  
‘What is it?’ Robbe asks with a confused look on his face.  
‘It looks like something I could make some interesting art with.’ Sander comments.  
‘Yeah, you totally could.’ Robbe agrees. Zoë snatches the box out of Robbe’s hand and puts it down on the counter.  
‘Nobody is making art with it.’ She states. ‘It’s healthy. It’s a lot better for you than instant noodles and all the other nonsense you usually eat.’  
‘Can I make art with it if we have any leftovers?’ Sander jokingly asks.  
‘No, Sander.’ Zoë says with mild annoyance in her voice. Sander and Robbe laugh.  
‘Since when do we only let Zoë decide what we get to eat?’ Robbe complains.  
‘Since she’s not leaving us in a few weeks.’ Milan says. He means it as a joke but Milan really does feel sad about Robbe leaving. Milan is glad that Robbe gets to move back with his mother, but he can’t help but have his doubts. He has been there for him through so much, helping him, comforting him. Even though he may never tell him that, witnessing Robbe, such a sweet young boy, go through what he did, first with his mother, then with Sander, has touched and changed Milan in a way he never expected. Milan feels the need to protect Robbe from the world. He’s worried that Robbe’s mother might not be up to taking care of him yet, and that he’ll end up having to fend for himself again.  
‘So, that’s how it’s going to be?’ Robbe jokes.  
‘You’re the one leaving us.’ Zoë states.  
‘To live with my mother.’ Robbe argues. ‘Don’t you want that for me?’  
‘I-‘ Zoë starts, her phone rings. ‘Jana is calling me, hold on.’ She takes the call, grabs her cup of tea and walks out of the room. Milan starts chopping bell peppers while he overhears a conversation between Robbe and Sander.  
‘Oh, Sander that reminds me I have to ask you something.’ Robbe says as he turns around to face Sander.  
‘Of course, what is it?’ Sander says.  
‘I talked to Jana yesterday and she told me I should maybe talk to Britt.’  
‘What?’  
‘Yeah, she figured it would be helpful since we’re in the same class and see each other all the time.’  
‘So what is the question exactly?’  
‘I don’t want to talk to her if you don’t want me to.’  
‘Oh, I don’t know.’  
‘That’s okay. You don’t have to give me an answer right away.’  
‘I’ll think about it.’  
‘Okay. Think about it.’ Milan turns around to see them kissing. He sighs. That’s one thing he won’t miss after Robbe moves away. Milan thought he had seen the last of it after Sander went home on Sunday, but here he is, still staring at their make out session just three days later.  
‘Okay you have to leave.’ Milan finally decides. They stop kissing to look at Milan.  
‘What? Why?’ Robbe asks.  
‘You’re distracting me. I need to be able to make dinner in a peaceful environment.’ Milan starts pushing Robbe and Sander out the door. ‘So out, out.’  
‘Okay, okay, we’re leaving.’ Robbe concedes as he drags Sander out of the kitchen and towards his room. Milan is happy to finally have his peace and quiet, but he can’t help but feel like he’s going to miss having them around.

THURSDAY JANUARY 9 18:44

Jana walks up the staircase of the apartment building. Although she doesn’t know Sander very well, after her talk with Robbe she feels the need to talk to him. She can’t get it out of her head how bad it must feel to have people talk for you and claim what is best for you, just because you have a mental illness. Even if Sander doesn’t forgive her, Jana believes that it’s important to talk to him and show that she feels bad. Maybe she can even learn from him, so that she can do better in the future. When she finds apartment 308, where Robbe told her Sander lives, she rings the doorbell and waits for a few seconds until someone opens the door. The door is opened by a woman around the age of fifty, Jana assumes she’s Sander’s mother.  
‘Yes?’ She asks with a very friendly tone.  
‘I’m Jana. I was looking for Sander.’ Jana replies. The woman calls out for Sander, then she looks at Jana.  
‘I’m Sander’s mother. You can call me Carla.’ The woman kindly says, she shakes Jana’s hand.  
‘It’s very nice to meet you ma’am.’ Jana replies. Sander reaches the door and looks at Jana.  
‘Robbe told me you might be coming.’ Sander says.  
‘You’re a friend of Robbe’s?’ Carla asks.  
‘Yes, I guess.’ Jana replies.  
‘Oh how nice. He’s such a sweet boy, that Robbe.’ Carla happily says. ‘It’s so nice to see-.’  
‘Mom.’ Sander cuts her off. Carla raises her hands apologetically and walks into the apartment.  
‘Come in.’ Sander says. Jana enters the apartment and follows him through the very short hallway and into the living room. The apartment is quite small, even for two people. All the furniture is cramped together. Jana looks at some of the photos on the wall, and notices that there’s no sign of a father in any of them.  
‘Jana, do you want anything to drink?’ Carla asks.  
‘No, I’m alright. Thank you.’ Jana replies. Sander leads the way to his room and opens the door.  
‘Welcome to my room.’ He says. ‘Sorry for the mess.’ Sander has the master bedroom, which Jana thinks is pretty odd, but then she notices how much stuff is in his room, and realizes that all that could never fit in a smaller room. One of the first things Jana notices are the drawings on Sander’s desk, many of which are of Robbe. The rest of the room is cluttered with art supplies. On the floor lies a very large half-finished painting on many pieces of newspaper, although the newspaper clearly doesn’t do it’s job at protecting the floor from paint stains since the floor is covered in them. The two of them take a seat on the bed.  
‘Look, Sander. I just wanted to say sorry.’ Jana starts.  
‘That really isn’t necessary.’ Sander states.  
‘Well, I’m here now and you’re going to let me apologize.’ Jana says. Sander sighs.  
‘I’m just really sorry that I claimed to understand what was best for you after you had your manic episode.’ Jana calmly explains, she tries her best to look Sander in the eyes, she wants him to know that she’s beig genuine. ‘I never should have told Robbe to stay away from you I-‘  
‘Wait, what?’ Sander cuts her off. ‘You told Robbe to stay away from me?’  
‘Yes. Did Robbe not tell you?’ Jana asks, she assumed Robbe had told Sander about their conversation before, but clearly that wasn’t the case.  
‘No, I thought he just stayed away because I scared him off.’ Sander states, clearly confused.  
‘What? No. Not at all.’ Jana explains. ‘He stayed away because everyone told him to, especially Britt-‘  
‘Britt?’  
‘Yeah, she told him that you never loved him. That it was all part of your mania. Then she told me that it was probably best for Robbe to stay away for you to be able to recover properly. So that’s what I told him.’  
‘When was this?’  
‘Tuesday, I think.’ Jana notices a small smile start to appear on Sander’s face. ‘Why?’  
‘It all makes so much more sense now.’ Sander explains. ‘He trusts you, right. I mean you’re pretty close, right?’  
‘I think so, yeah.’  
‘So you think he never stopped loving me?’ The smile on Sander’s face is slowly becoming bigger.  
‘No, absolutely not. He was devastated because he thought you never loved him.’ Jana assures him.  
‘I didn’t know. I just thought I’d scared him away.’  
‘Sander. He really wanted to see you, he wasn’t scared for a second. He was only ever concerned about you and your well-being. It was me, Britt and everyone else that told him he needed to stay away for your sake. For that I am so sorry.’ A tear starts rolling down Sander’s cheek.  
‘Are you okay?’ Jana asks.  
‘Yes. Totally, I’m fine.’ Sander wipes the tear off his face. To Jana, Sander always seems like so untouchable and larger than life. He always put up such a ‘cool guy’ façade. She didn’t think she’d ever witness him be so vulnerable.  
‘Can I give you a hug?’ Jana asks, feeling the need to comfort him, but knowing they’re definitely not at that point in their friendship.  
‘If you want to.’ Sander replies. Jana moves towards him and embraces him, she feels Sander’s arms wrap tightly around her.  
‘Thank you.’ He whispers.

FRIDAY JANUARY 10 22:42

TRIGGER WARNING: reference to violence (but no real explicit mention of it)

Robbe receives a text from Jens saying that he’s waiting downstairs. He gets up from the couch and walks to the door, where he puts on his shoes, coat and beanie. He sees Zoë walk out of her room and notice that he’s leaving.  
‘You’re going out late.’ She says.  
‘Yeah, I’m going to the club with Jens but he had to work late.’ Robbe replies while Zoë approaches him.  
‘Be careful, alright? Take care of yourself’ Zoë says.  
‘Yes, mom.’ Robbe mocks. She playfully slaps him on his shoulder.  
‘Just let me worry about you for now. You’ll be leaving us soon.’  
‘I’m a big boy, Zoë. I’ll be fine.’ Robbe says as he opens the door and steps through it. He’s glad Zoë cares about him as much as she does, but sometimes she thinks she should spend more time worrying about herself.  
‘Good evening. Ça va?’ Jens says as Robbe approaches him with his bike in his hands.  
‘I’m good.’ Robbe replies. ‘You?’  
‘In the mood of some beers.’ Jens replies as the two of them get on their bikes and start peddling.  
‘Good thing that’s what we’re going to do, then.’ Robbe replies.  
The two of them cycle in silence for a bit, until Jens breaks the silence.  
‘Jana told me she talked to Sander.’  
‘Yeah, she did.’ Robbe replies. ‘It was really nice of her. I suggested it when she apologized to me the other day but I’m surprised she actually went to his house and did it.’  
‘She told me that she found it really insightful. She hopes to be a better friend to the both of you in the future.’ Jens states.  
‘Sander’s really glad she went to talk to him. She actually explained the whole situation with Britt to him, something I wouldn’t have thought of to do myself.’  
‘Really?’  
‘Yeah, I really appreciate it. Speaking of Britt, though, Jana told me I should talk to her.’  
‘About what?’  
‘Everything, I guess. The whole situation with Sander and how everything played out.’  
‘Do you want to talk to her?’  
‘Maybe. But I don’t want to do it without Sander’s consent and he’s not sure yet so-‘  
Robbe suddenly stops cycling when they turn into an alleyway, as if his body realizes where he is before his mind. He looks at the darkness ahead of him and his mind suddenly stops working. His breathing becomes faster and faster every second, his palms sweat and his legs start shaking. He hasn’t been in that alleyway since that night. He tries to keep his mind off it. He tries to focus on steadying his breathing but he can’t bring himself to do it. He stands frozen, like a statue. As if his mind is no longer in control of his body.  
‘Robbe!’ It’s Jens’ concerned yelling that manages to pull Robbe back to reality. His breathing still uncontrollable but his mind now a little less distant from the world.  
‘What?’ Robbe replies.  
‘Are you okay? You look pale.’ Jens asks. Robbe looks up at him.  
‘I’m fine.’  
‘Do you want to sit down?’  
‘No, no. I’m fine. Really.’ Robbe keeps trying to get his breathing under control, but he feels so helpless. His body feels out of his control, while his mind is racing with thoughts, every breath he takes he remembers that night. He feels that night, as if everything that happened then, is happening all over again.  
‘You’re going to sit down.’ Jens demands. He grabs Robbe’s bike, who slowly releases it from his grip. Jens takes his arm and slowly moves him towards the wall, where he sets him down. Robbe’s feels his entire body shake.  
‘Robbe what’s happening?’ Jens sits down beside him, a concerned look in his eyes.  
‘It’s nothing, Jens.’ Robbe is trying to convince himself more than he’s trying to convince Jens. That it really is nothing. That what happened that night really is nothing. He’s trying to convince himself that there’s no reason for him to be hyperventilating, or his body to be shaking, because maybe then it’ll stop.  
‘I’m not stupid, Robbe. Your entire body is shaking.’ Jens insists.  
‘I-‘ Robbe starts another sentence of lies, but he can’t finish it. Tears start rolling down his face. First it’s just one, then a few, and as he feels Jens wrap an arm around him, the tears start streaming down his face like a river. Jens doesn’t ask any other questions. Instead, he just sits there, and he lets Robbe cry in his arms.


	2. ‘Please, just leave it.'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Week 2 of my daily wtFOCK fic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you all so much for all the positive reactions. It truly warms my heart. I really love reading your comments. I love all of you so much and I'm excited for you all to see what I have in store for the next eight weeks!

SATURDAY JANUARY 11 15:04

Robbe lies in his bed, staring at the ceiling. His phone vibrates, Jens is calling him again. He acts as if he doesn’t hear it and lets it go to voicemail. Something he doesn’t want right now is to talk about what happened last night. He just wishes Jens would drop and forget about it. Robbe thinks about how long he must’ve sat there, crying. He must’ve looked so weak. It all feels like kind of a blur now. He remembers that Jens took him home after he’d finally settled down. The entire bicycle ride home was silent, Jens knew that Robbe wasn’t in the mood to talk about it then. If it was up to Robbe, they’d never talk about it, but Robbe knows Jens isn’t going to drop it anytime soon. Robbe hears someone enter the apartment and sits up.  
‘Sander!’ He hears Milan exclaim. Robbe immediately gets up, eager to see his boyfriend. He leaves his room and enters the hallway.  
‘Hey you.’ He says, walking up to Sander and standing on his toes to give him a peck.  
‘Hey.’ Sander replies. Their eye contact lingers a little longer, until Sander grabs Robbe’s hand and the two of them walk into the living room. Sander sits down on the couch, Robbe lies down against his torso, with his legs across the sofa. Sander puts an arm around him, their hands constantly interlocked. The warmth of Sander’s body immediately feels like home, like safety. Within a few seconds, Robbe forgets about all his worries, and just lies in boyfriend’s arms in peace.  
‘Did you have a good time with Jens yesterday?’ Sander asks.  
‘Yeah totally. We had a great night.’ Robbe replies. One thing he doesn’t want is for Sander to worry about him. Besides, whenever Robbe starts talking about that night, or the police, he changes the subject.  
‘Not too hungover?’ Sander jokes.  
‘No, I didn’t have that much to drink.’ Robbe replies.  
‘And I knew you were coming over today, which is already enough of a headache.’ Robbe jokes, Sander laughs.  
‘If I’m that much of a headache, maybe I should just leave, then.’ Sander starts getting up.  
‘No, no, no.’ Robbe pleads, grabbing Sander’s arm and pulling him back on the couch.  
‘Okay. I’ll stay. But only if you’re nice to me.’ Sander jokes.  
‘I’ll be nice. I promise.’ Robbe pulls Sander’s face close to his and kisses him. The warmth of Sander’s lips gives him so much comfort.  
‘I need to ask you something.’ Sander finally says when their lips break apart. Robbe sits up an looks at Sander.  
‘What is it?’ Robbe asks with slight concern.  
‘It’s nothing extreme or anything. Don’t worry.’ Sander assures him. ‘I just wondered if maybe you’d want to meet my friends sometime this week?’  
Robbe sighs in relief.  
‘You want me to meet your friends?’ Robbe asks happily.  
‘They’ve been bugging me to bring you along when we hang out sometime.’  
‘Of course!’  
‘Yeah?’  
‘Totally. I want to meet your friends. Just tell me when and I’ll come along.’  
‘Cool. They’ll be so excited.  
‘Cool.’ Robbe wraps his arms around Sander and kisses him. The two of them slide down the couch as the kiss gets more heated. Sander’s cold hand caresses Robbe’s back, while Robbe runs his hand through Sander’s hair  
‘Gentlemen.’ Milan interrupts them, he clears his throat. The two of them look at him standing in the doorway.  
‘I swear, I can’t find peace in any room of this apartment anymore.’ Milan states. Robbe and Sander look at each other and laugh.  
‘Are we bothering you?’ Robbe mocks.  
‘You have a room.’ Milan says. ‘Use it.’ Robbe sighs, he stands up and pulls Sander off the couch. He continues to drag Sander out of the room. When they pass Milan, Sander, with a smirk on his face, quickly says:  
‘Sorry.’  
The two of them walk to Robbe’s room.As they reach the room, Robbe feels his phone vibrate, he takes it out of his pocket and sees a text from Jens: If you want to talk about, know that I’m always here. Robbe’s hand loosens its grip on Sander’s as he stares at the text, which has suddenly pulled him back to reality, and reminded him of the night before.  
‘Is everything okay? Babe?’ Sander puts his hand on Robbe’s cheek. Robbe looks up at him, and gives him a quick peck.  
‘Everything’s perfect.’

SUNDAY JANUARY 12 19:28

Sander knows he shouldn’t try to study when Robbe is around, but he really needs to study and he doesn’t feel like going home yet. Robbe is sitting across the couch from him, their legs intertwined, occasionally rubbing each other’s legs with their feet. Robbe is doing something on a notepad, he looks very concentrated and determined, Sander notices that he keeps looking at him, and then back at his paper. Sander tries his best to focus on his studies and not pay attention to Robbe, but after a while his curiosity gets the best of him.  
‘What are you doing?’ He asks as he leans forward to try to see what’s Robbe is doing.  
‘No, no, no, no.’ Robbe says, holding the notebook against his chest, keeping Sander from seeing what’s on it. ‘I’m not done yet. Stay over there.’  
‘What are you doing, then?’ Sander laughs.  
‘Just a little while longer.’ Robbe says, he draws a few more lines, and then he puts his pencil down and exclaims:  
‘Now I’m finished.’  
‘What is it?’ Sander asks, his curiosity is at its peak.  
‘You’re not allowed to judge me.’ Robbe demands. Sander tilts his head.  
‘Would I ever?’ He asks. Robbe blushes.  
‘I drew something.’ Robbe explains. ‘Well, I drew you. I mean, I tried to draw you. I’m not very good, I-‘  
‘Show it, then.’ Sander urges him, stopping him from rambling even more. Robbe turns the notepad around and shows the drawing. The drawing is terrible, it’s basically a stick figure with Sander’s clothes on and very limited body and facial features.  
‘I said you’re not allowed to judge me!’ Robbe whines.  
‘I’m not. I’m not.’ Sander says, struggling not to laugh. Even though the drawing is horrible, Sander is so honored that Robbe tried his best, that he tried his hand at something that Sander is so passionate about.  
‘Give it here.’ Sander urges, Robbe hands the notepad over. Sander looks at it, up close it’s somehow even worse. Nonetheless, he loves with his whole heart. He rips the page with the drawing out of the notepad.  
‘Hey! What are you doing?’ Robbe yells.  
‘Well I can’t frame otherwise, can I?’  
‘Wait for real?’ Robbe laugs.  
‘Of course, you have so many of my artworks in your room, the least I could do is have one of yours in mine.’ Robbe’s face lights up and he smiles from ear to ear. That smile is the most beautiful thing in the world to Sander, it makes everything else worth it. The only thing he ever wants is for Robbe to be happy. He knows he’s going to cherish his horrible drawing forever. It’s simultaneously the ugliest and most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.  
‘By the way.’ Sander starts, Robbe looks at him. ‘I’ve been thinking, and you can talk to Britt if you want.’  
‘Really?’ Robbe asks. ‘Are you sure?’  
‘One hundred percent.’ Sander knows Robbe really wants to talk to Britt, and after his chat with Jana he feels that it might not be such a bad idea. He had learned a lot from that chat, and wants to give Robbe the same opportunity to be enlightened.  
‘Would you like to come with?’ Robbe asks. Sander thinks about it for a second, but quickly decides.  
‘No. I don’t think I’m ready for that.’ He replies. Maybe he’ll talk to Britt again someday, but not now, not so soon. He still blames Britt for making everything more complicated than it could’ve been. Of course he knows it all would’ve been easier if he’d just been honest with Robbe from the start, but Sander broke up with Britt several times and she refused to accept it, she kept blaming it on him having bipolar disorder. The whole time he was in the institute and Britt was with him, the only thing he wished was for her to go away and Robbe to be with him instead.  
‘That’s okay.’ Robbe assures him.  
‘Maybe someday.’ Sander tells him, as he leans forward.  
‘Maybe someday.’ Robbe replies, also leaning forward, their lips touching in the middle.

MONDAY JANUARY 13 17:19

Sander is sitting in the cafeteria with his friends, which they do a lot after school. Ruben is being relatively quiet as always, he’s busy with a project and buried in his laptop. The rest of them are discussing their exams.  
‘I’m telling you, that professor is evil. How is anyone supposed to know that?’ Iliass comments.  
‘You could try studying for once, you know?’ Laura comments, Iliass scoffs.  
‘I’ll start studying as soon as I feel the need to study.’ Iliass replies.  
‘And when is that?’ Laura asks.  
‘That’s a terrible mindset.’ Ruben says, looking up from his laptop for a mere two seconds.  
‘It’s worked so far, hasn’t it. I mean I made it to college.’ Iliass comments.  
‘Whether you’re going to graduate college, though. That’s the real question.’ Sander jokes.  
‘Not if that professor keeps giving us impossible questions on the exams.’ Iliass says. Sander and the rest of the group all look at each other in annoyance. Iliass has basically never studied in his life, which annoys those of the group who spend hours studying every day. He’s always been very smart and very stubborn. Sander already knew him in high school. They weren’t really friends back then, more acquaintances, but they grew closer this year and gradually became actual friends.  
‘Anyway. Guys, I have an announcement.’ Sander proclaims.  
‘Ooh. Drumroll.’ Mirthe exclaims and the four of them start doing a drumroll on the table.  
‘Stop. It’s not that special of an announcement.’ Sander says annoyed. ‘I talked to Robbe and he totally wants to meet you.’ The drumroll stops.  
‘Really?’ Mirthe says happily.  
‘Yeah, so the next time we hang out I’ll bring him along.’ Sander says. ‘If he has time.’  
‘I’m so excited to meet him.’ Mirthe exclaims, she starts rambling incomprehensibly.  
‘And if you behave.’ Sander demands. ‘Please don’t embarrass me.’ He know his friends can sometimes be a lot, but then again so can Robbe’s friends, so he doesn’t doubt that Robbe will get along with them.  
The group laughs.  
‘As long as he’s better than Britt we will do our bests.’ Iliass comments, the rest of the group nod in agreement.  
‘What? You always told me you liked Britt.’ Sander asks confused. Laura puts her hand on Sander’s shoulder.  
‘We only said that because she was your girlfriend, Sander.’ She says. Sander looks at them with an offended look on his face.  
‘I can’t believe you pretended to like her all that time.’ He says.  
‘That’s what friends are for.’ Ruben tells him, they all laugh.  
‘Well, Robbe’s different. You’ll like him. I promise.’ Sander tells them.  
‘We should hang out tomorrow!’ Mirthe exclaims.  
‘Yeah, totally. I want to meet your Robbe as soon as possible.’ Iliass agrees. Sander looks at them, annoyed.  
‘Guys-‘ He starts.  
‘No, no. Don’t try to talk your way out of this.’ Mirthe cuts him off. ‘Do you think he has time tomorrow?’ Sander sighs.  
‘I think so, yeah. But I’ll have to ask him to be sure.’ He admits.  
‘Perfect!’ Iliass exclaims. ‘You can all come to my house and we’ll hang out, have some beers and judge Sander’s new boyfriend.’  
‘You can judge him all you want.’ Sander states. ‘I’m keeping him either way.’  
‘Aww.’ The others say in unison.  
‘That’s so cute.’ Ruben comments. Sander blushes.  
‘Laura.’ A voice behind him startles him. He looks at the source and sees a man standing behind him, it’s Laura’s dad, who also happens to be a professor at the college.  
‘I’m going home now, do you want a ride?’ He asks.  
‘Absolutely.’ Laura says as she gets up from her chair. ‘Bye losers.’  
‘Mr. Simons, can you give me a ride, too?’ Iliass pleads. Mr. Simons laughs.  
‘You live on the opposite side of the city. It would take way too long.’ He says.  
‘Time is relative, Mr. Simons.’ Iliass replies.  
‘Wait what time is it?’ Sander asks. Mr. Simons looks on his watch.  
‘It’s 17:21 He says.  
‘I should go.’ Sander states.  
‘What?’ Mirthe whines. ‘You’re leaving us too?’  
‘I have to be home in time.’ Sander replies. ‘I need to cook dinner.’ He puts his coat on and grabs his bag off the floor.  
‘Tomorrow evening!’ Iliass yells after him as he walks away. ‘Bring Robbe!’ Sander smiles as he walks to the door along with Laura and her dad.  
‘How’s it going Sander?’ Mr. Simons asks.  
‘Good.’ Sander replies.  
‘Really?’ Mr. Simons asks. He’s known Sander for quite a while, since Sander and Laura have been friends for years, so he knows that Sander’s life isn’t always peachy.  
‘Genuinely.’ Sander replies, and he isn’t lying. His exams weren’t as bad as he thought they’d be, he’s feeling a lot better mentally and he has the best and most supportive boyfriend he could ever ask for.  
‘That’s good.’ Mr. Simons replies.  
‘The studio has helped a lot.’ Sander tells him. ‘Thanks again for arranging that for me.’ Sander really doesn’t know what he would’ve done if he didn’t have the private studio that Mr. Simons had arranged for him. It’s his safe space.  
‘It’s the least I could do.’ Mr. Simons says. As the three of them step outside and Sander has to walk in the other direction he yells:  
‘See you tomorrow!’  
‘See you.’ Laura yells back. ‘I’m excited to meet your boyfriend.’

TUESDAY JANUARY 14 18:35

Sander rings the doorbell with one hand, while the other hand is holding Robbe’s. Iliass’ mother opens the door.  
‘Sander!’ She says. ‘It’s great to see you.’ She looks at Robbe, studying him.  
‘This is Robbe, Mrs. Ammar.’ Sander says while gesturing to him. ‘My boyfriend.’ Mrs. Ammar smiles.  
‘Great to meet you, Robbe.’ She says, Robbe shakes her hand.  
‘You too, ma’am.’ He says. Mrs. Ammar steps aside to let the boys through.  
‘You know the way.’ She tells to Sander. He nods and walks into the house, dragging Robbe behind him. Sander feels a little nervous about introducing Robbe to his friends, he really wants them to like him, because he really loves him. But also, he wants Robbe to get along with them, he would love it if he could start bringing him along to hangouts, but he doesn’t want him to feel awkward or left out. Sander leads Robbe through the house and out the back door. They walk to the shed in the back of the garden, which Iliass remodeled with his dad to become a hangout spot. When they reach the door, Sander turns to Robbe.  
‘You ready?’ He asks.  
‘Of course.’ Robbe reassures him.  
‘Are you sure? They can be a little much sometimes.’  
‘I’m sure.’ Robbe grabs Sander’s face and kisses him. As they are kissing the door of the shed opens, the two of them quickly stop kissing and look at the person in the door opening.  
‘Uhm, hello.’ Ruben says  
‘Wait are they here?’ Mirthe’s excited voice sounds from inside. Ruben walks past Sander and Robbe and walk to the house, not saying a word.  
‘That’s Ruben.’ Sander tells Robbe. ‘Don’t take it personally, he’s not very good with new people.’ The two of them step inside the shed, which is very small, but that also means it’s very cozy. There isn’t any proper lighting inside. Instead, the whole place is covered in string lights. One of the walls has a white sheet on it, which is used for movie nights. The walls are covered in multi-colored spray paint which the group put there themselves, and all over the room there are posters of everyone’s favorite musicians, a large amount of them are of David Bowie. In the corner of the room is a record player, next to it is a large shelf with a very large variety of records on it. As soon as the two boys enter the room Robbe is attacked with a hug from Mirthe.  
‘It’s so great to finally meet you!’ She exclaims as she embraces him. ‘You look so good in person.’  
‘What?’ Robbe says, confused. Sander laughs, he really hadn’t expected anything less from Mirthe, who is the loudest and most energetic person Sander knows.  
‘I saw you on Sander’s Insta.’ She explains.  
‘This is Mirthe.’ Sander tells Robbe through his giggles.  
‘Right, sorry.’ She says. ‘It’s really nice to meet you.’ Iliass is the next to stand up.  
‘I’m not going to give you a hug, but you can have a fist bump.’ He says.  
‘That’s just fine with me.’ Robbe laughs as he gives Iliass a fist bump. ‘This is your place?’  
‘Yeah, do you like it?’ Iliass asks. Robbe nods as he looks around.  
‘It’s really cool.’ He says.  
‘Alright. He has taste.’ Iliass says approvingly. Sander sees Mirthe looking for eye contact with him, when he looks at her she excitedly gives him a thumbs up, he blushes. Iliass and Mirthe sit down. Laura stands up and she walks towards Robbe.  
‘I’m Laura.’ She tells him. ‘I’m the normal one.’ He laughs.  
‘She may look nice now.’ Iliass states. ‘But if you hurt Sander she will kill you.’  
‘He’s just exaggerating.’ Laura says as she sits back down, she jokingly makes an ‘I’m watching you’ gesture.  
‘Well, I wasn’t planning on hurting him anyway.’ Robbe says as he smiles at Sander.  
‘Aww.’ Mirthe, Iliass and Laura say in unison. Sander decides rile them up a little more and kisses Robbe.  
‘Second time.’ Ruben, who has just come back from the bathroom, complains. They all laugh.  
‘Hi Ruben.’ Robbe kindly says. ‘I’m Robbe.’  
‘Well, nice to meet you.’ Ruben says. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself earlier.’ Sander is impressed, Ruben has already said more word to Robbe in one day than he ever did to Britt the whole time he dated her.  
‘Don’t worry about it.’ Robbe assures him. Ruben smiles and sits down on a two-seater couch.  
‘Ruben!’ Mirthe yells.  
‘What did I do?’ He asks, looking around to see if he sat on anything. Mirthe and the other two try to gesture for him to move to another seat.  
‘What?’ Ruben says confused. Finally, Iliass gets up and drags him to another seat, leaving the two-seater empty. Laura points at Robbe and Sander, and then at the two-seater.  
‘Oh.’ Ruben says. ‘I get it now.’ Sander laughs and drags Robbe over to the couch with him. He puts his arm around Robbe and pulls him closer. At first, Robbe is a little hesitant, which Sander understands. He must feel a little awkward in such an unfamiliar environment.  
‘So.’ Iliass starts. ‘How did you two meet?’ Robbe and Sander look at each other and smile, they explain how they met at the beach house, throughout the story they only look at each other, almost forgetting that the others are there.  
‘I still can’t believe you just left me standing by that dumpster.’ Robbe jokes.  
‘I was trying really hard to be the cool and mysterious guy.’ Sander replies.  
‘Well you definitely nailed that.’ Robbe says. ‘Mister ‘are you the manager?’. What were you even thinking?’ Sander laughs.  
‘I was thinking that and I needed to seize the opportunity to impress you.’ He says.  
‘And that was the best thing you could come up with?’ Robbe laughs.  
‘It worked, didn’t it?’ Sander responds.  
‘I guess it did.’ Sander leans in and gives Robbe a small kiss.  
‘So, wait. You met during that trip you went on with Britt?’ Laura asks. Robbe and Sander nod. Sander feels that Robbe is becoming a lot less tense, and is slowly leaning more into him. He’s so glad that Robbe is starting to feel more comfortable.  
‘That’s so unfair. I can’t even get one person interested in me.’ Iliass complains.  
‘That’s completely your own fault.’ Mirthe states. ‘You are really bad at picking up girls.’  
‘Did you just hear their story?’ Iliass whines. ‘Sander said one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard and it still worked, even though he still had a girlfriend.’  
‘Well, if it helps, I didn’t know he had a girlfriend at that point.’ Robbe says.  
‘But you did have a girlfriend yourself, which you definitely knew, and still flirted back.’ Sander states.  
‘Oh, right.’  
‘Oh, are you pan, too? Or bi?’ Ruben asks.  
‘Nope.’ Robbe replies.  
‘Everybody makes mistakes, Robbe’s was pretending to be staight.’ Sander jokes.  
‘Hey!’ Robbe playfully slaps him, they all laugh.  
‘Oh, Iliass.’ Robbe says, he sits up. ‘Where’s the bathroom?’  
‘When you enter the house the first door on the left.’ Iliass replies. Robbe gets up.  
‘Are you leaving me?’ Sander jokingly says. Robbe looks back at him when he heads for the door, and tils his head. As Robbe leaves the room Sander only has eyes for him, still in awe that that amazing guy is his boyfriend. He feels a broad smile appear on his face. He looks back in the direction of his friends to find that all four of them are staring at him.  
‘What?’ He says with the broad smile still on his face.  
‘Sander.’ Laura says with a smile on her face.  
‘Good or bad?’ Sander asks. Even though he could never imagine anyone could dislike Robbe, he still fears his friends’ opinions.  
‘He’s so nice.’ Laura says.  
‘I really like him.’ Ruben adds, which means a lot coming from Ruben, who usually doesn’t like any new people.  
‘He is such a cutie. I already love him.’ Mirthe excitedly says.  
‘Can we adopt him?’ Iliass jokes. Sander snorts.  
‘You did good.’ Laura calmly assures him.  
‘Yes. Yes I did.’ Sander agrees with a large smile on his face. Grateful for such a wonderful boyfriend, and grateful for such amazing and supportive friends.

WEDNESDAY JANUARY 15 16:59

Robbe is sitting in a small café. He’s anxiously fidgeting with a coaster. It’s a miracle that Britt even agreed to meet with him, but he still has no idea how this conversation will go. Maybe Britt will yell at him or blame him. He really hopes she will leave Sander out of all this, he can’t handle her going off on him right now. Every time the café door opens Robbe looks up to see if Britt is the one coming in. After a couple false alarms, she finally arrives. Robbe sees her looking around for him, he waves at her to show her where he is seated. She notices it and walks towards the table. She takes a seat. After a short while, Robbe finally gathers the courage to start the conversation.  
‘Thank you for meeting me.’ He says.  
‘No problem.’ Britt replies.  
‘I wouldn’t have blamed you if you never wanted to speak to me again.’ Robbe tells her.  
‘Truthfully, I really didn’t.’ She states. ‘But I’ve been thinking a lot, and I realized that I really need this. Besides, we can’t avoid each other forever.’ Robbe nods in agreement. A silence falls while he’s thinking about what to say. He has so much to say that he doesn’t even know where to start.  
‘How’s Sander?’ Britt asks.  
‘He’s doing better.’ He replies.’  
‘Good. I’m glad.’ She says. ‘What about you?’  
‘We’re just taking it one step at a time. Minute by minute, you know?’  
Britt nods, a silence falls. Robbe ponders what he should say next. He thinks about it for a second. Maybe he should just apologize? That sounds like a pretty good start.  
‘Listen.’ He finally says. ‘I’m sorry.’  
‘No.’ Britt quickly says. Robbe fears what she is about to say next. Does she not want an apology? Is she just here to yell at him?  
‘You shouldn’t be the one apologizing.’ She continues. ‘I should.’ Robbe expected a lot from this conversation, but he hadn’t expected that Britt would feel the need to apologize to him.  
‘No. No listen-‘ Robbe starts.  
‘No, you listen.’ Britt cuts him off. ‘I never should have said all those things about Sander not loving you. That was wrong of me, and I’m sorry.’  
‘I don’t blame you.’ Robbe replies. ‘You were just looking out for him, I totally understand that.’  
‘The thing is.’ Britt says. ‘I kept trying to convince myself that I was doing all of this for Sander. That I was looking out for him. But in the end, I really wasn’t. I was more looking out for myself. I-’  
‘It’s not your fault.’ Robbe interrupts her.  
‘Robbe, I need you to hear this.’ Britt looks him directly in the eye. ‘I made the mistake of pretending that I knew what was best for Sander. That I could speak on his behalf. I shouldn’t have done that. He is perfectly capable of speaking for himself. Please remember that.’ Robbe smiles. He’s surprised by Britt’s reaction, but he’s glad that she cares.  
‘Nobody could’ve expected you to know what to do in that situation.’ Robbe assures her.  
‘I guess I was just scared to lose a boyfriend again and overcompensated.’  
‘I really don’t blame you. I mean I am Jens’ best friend.’  
‘Yeah, that didn’t help.’ Britt laughs a little, which causes Robbe to laugh.  
‘Well. I’m sorry, too.’ Robbe says. ‘I shouldn’t have gone after your boyfriend like that. That was really shitty of me.’  
‘Yes it was.’ Britt says. ‘But it’s not one hundred percent your fault. I mean, you didn’t act alone.’  
‘No, I guess not.’ Robbe looks down at his hands. ‘But if it wasn’t for me none of this would have happened.’  
‘That’s not true.’ Britt reassures him. ‘He was so happy that he met you. Really.’  
‘I hope I can be what he needs me to be.’ Robbe says. The one thing that scares him the most is not doing right by Sander. He’s terrified to do or say something wrong, or that he can’t be there for him when he most needs it.  
‘Can I give you some advice?’ Britt asks.  
‘Yeah sure.’  
‘Talk to him. As much as you can. Learn from him, learn to understand him. That’s another thing I forgot when I was with him.’  
‘I’ll try my best.’  
‘Oh, and one more thing.’  
‘What?’  
‘No matter what I or anyone else says. Sander really does love you.’ Robbe takes a short pause to take in everything Britt just told him. He hadn’t expected Britt to tell him that, especially after everything that happened. He doesn’t have anything against Britt, not really. Especially not after this conversation. Everyone does stupid things sometimes. Robbe wonders what he would’ve done in her situation himself. Britt deserves the opportunity to learn from her mistakes and grow as person. He looks her in the eyes with a big smile on his face.  
‘Merci.’ He says.

THURSDAY JANUARY 16 14:30

Jens walks down the corridor and sees Robbe coming out of a classroom.  
‘Robbe!’ He shouts. Robbe turns is head and notices Jens. He stops walking to let him catch up.  
‘Do you have plans tomorrow?’ Robbe asks after Jens has caught up with him.  
‘Don’t think so.’ Jens replies. ‘Why?’  
‘Sander invited me to go out with his friends tomorrow night.’ Robbe explains. ‘He told me I could bring you guys if I wanted.’  
‘Are you sure that’s a good idea?’ Jens doesn’t want to act like Robbe’s parent, but he hasn’t forgotten what happened the last Friday. Jens has been trying to get Robbe to talk about it, but every time he cuts him off and changes the subject. Jens doesn’t want to be pushy, but he’s worried about him. People don’t have panic attacks out of nowhere, and he wants to help Robbe.  
‘What do you mean?’ Robbe asks.  
‘You know what I mean.’ Jens answers. Robbe looks at him with an annoyed face.  
‘I told you it was nothing.’ He claims. Jens doesn’t believe him for a second. He remembers how Robbe suddenly turned pale, how his entire body was shaking, how he cried in Jens’ arms.  
‘It wasn’t nothing.’ Jens says. ‘I can’t believe Sander would even ask you to come along knowing what happened last Friday.’ A silence falls and Jens looks at Robbe, who’s silently glancing at the floor beneath him.  
‘You didn’t tell Sander, did you?’ Jens asks. Robbe says quiet, still looking down.  
‘Robbe-‘ Jens whines.  
‘Just leave it. Okay?’ Robbe demands, looking up at Jens.  
‘No. I won’t leave it.’ Jens growls. ‘Why haven’t you told him?’  
‘Please. Just leave Sander out of this.’ Robbe pleads. The two of them have reached the courtyard, they spot Moyo and Aaron and head in their direction.  
‘Why are you lying to him?’  
‘I’m not lying, I’m just-‘ Robbe starts but he stops talking as soon as they reach their friends.  
‘What’s up?’ Moyo says, he greets them with a high-five.  
‘Not much.’ Robbe says. ‘Do you guys want to go out tomorrow?’ Jens sighs, knowing that their conversation has ended. He doesn’t understand why Robbe is acting like this, and why he hasn’t told Sander about his panic attack. He shouldn’t keep stuff like that from him. He knows there has to be something else, something he doesn’t know about. But he just can’t put his finger on it.  
‘Yeah, sure. What’s the plan?’ Moyo asks.  
‘Sander and his friends are going out and they invited me along.’ Robbe explains.  
‘Wait.’ Moyo says. ‘Is he friends with any girls?’  
‘Yeah, two. Why?’ Robbe asks.  
‘College chicks, man.’ Moyo exclaims. ‘I’m in.’  
‘I’m in, too.’ Aaron adds. ‘But, uh, not for the college chicks, though. For the company.’  
Robbe and Moyo laugh.  
‘What about you, Jens?’ Robbe asks.  
‘I don’t know, man.’ Jens hesitates.  
‘College chicks, bro.’ Moyo says. ‘College chicks.’ Jens knows he has to say yes. He might not agree with Robbe going out, but at least if he comes with he can be there for him if anything goes wrong.  
‘Okay. I’ll go.’ Jens gives in. The other boys cheer.  
‘Great. I’ll tell them you guys are coming.’ Robbe says, taking out his phone.  
‘Are you sure you want to go?’ Jens quietly asks him while Moyo and Aaron are distracted.  
‘Of course I’m sure.’ Robbe says confidently. ‘What could go wrong?’

FRIDAY JANUARY 17 20:46

Robbe is sitting on the couch in Iliass’ shed, Sander is lying down with his head on Robbe’s lap. The two of them are holding hands, and Robbe’s other hand is playing with Sander’s bleach blond hair. Mirthe and Ruben are having a hefty discussion. Or, rather, Mirthe is sharing loudly sharing her opinion while Ruben basically only ever nods. Laura is sitting in the corner of the couch, enjoying Mirthe’s ramble. Robbe has only known Sander’s friends for a few days, but he already feels comfortable around them. They have really done their best to make Robbe feel welcome. They hadn’t made a big deal out of the fact that Robbe is a boy, which he really appreciates. His own friends reacted quite differently to the news of Robbe having a boyfriend. It probably has to do with the age difference. He doesn’t blame his friends for reacting the way they did. Not really. Besides, they have been trying to make up for it ever since, especially Moyo, who has been reading a lot about the LGBT community. Robbe is just glad that his friends have been nothing but supportive of his relationship with Sander since they finally, properly, got together. Robbe hears the door open and looks up. Iliass walks inside first, followed by Jens, Moyo and Aaron.  
‘Welcome.’ Iliass says.  
‘This is so cool!’ Moyo exclaims as he looks around the room in awe. The boys walk up to Robbe and Sander to greet them. But both of them don’t want to stop holding hands so they give all of them an awkward high-five with their left hands.  
‘Ça va?’ Robbe asks.  
‘Good.’ Jens says, the other boys nod in agreement. They each start introducing themselves to Sander’s friends. Robbe notices that Moyo has immediately taken an interest in Laura, as he sits down on the armrest next to her.  
‘And who are you?’ He asks with a flirtatious voice. Laura laughs.  
‘I’m Laura.’ She says.  
‘You’re beautiful, Laura.’ Moyo tells her. ‘I’m Moyo.’ Robbe looks down to meet Sander’s eyes, the both of them start laughing. Moyo continues to try to flirt with Laura, but Robbe is distracted by Jens, who has taken a seat next to them.  
‘How’s it going here?’ Jens asks.  
‘Bon.’ Robbe replies. ‘Enjoying the show.’ He laughs and points at Moyo, who is struggling to impress Laura. Jens laughs.  
‘And with you, Sander? How are you feeling.’  
‘Pretty good, actually.’ Sander admits. ‘I’m looking forward to going out again. It’s been a while.’ Robbe looks down at Sander and smiles at him and slightly squeezes his hand. With just a single glance, it feels like they have a whole conversation.  
‘And you, Robbe?’ Jens asks.  
‘What?’ Robbe was lost in Sander’s eyes for a second, forgetting what they were even talking about.  
‘Are you looking forward to going out?’  
‘Yes. Absolutely.’ Robbe knows what Jens is playing at. He knows it has to do with last Friday, when he had that panic attack. Robbe knows Jens doesn’t agree with him going out, but as long as they avoid that specific bar and alley, he will be fine. Robbe is more concerned about the fact that Jens might decide Sander needs to know about that panic attack. Which he doesn’t. Firstly, because Robbe doesn’t want Sander to feel like he has to worry about him. Also, because it’ll probably stir up some tension between them, which he is not in the mood for. For now, he just wants so be with Sander without any drama.  
‘Jens, do you want a beer?’ Iliass asks. Jens nods.  
‘If any of you need anything, it’s self-service from now on.’ Iliass says as he walks towards the fridge and opens it up. ‘You all have arms and legs. You can get your own beers.’ He hands Jens, Moyo and Aaron a beer.  
‘Why didn’t you get me one?’ Sander whines.  
‘Like I said.’ Iliass tells him as he takes a seat. ‘Self-service.’  
‘But I’m so comfortable.’ Sander says. ‘And you were just near the fridge.’  
‘Well, I’m not getting back up.’ Iliass states.  
‘Babe, can you get me a beer?’ Sander looks up at Robbe with his puppy eyes, and Robbe immediately melts. ‘Please?’ However, he is very comfortable himself and not in the mood of getting up.  
‘You are completely capable of getting your own beer.’ Robbe says. Sander sighs dramatically and sits up.  
‘I have to do everything myself.’ He jokingly whines. ‘Why do I even keep you around?’ Robbe pulls Sander towards him. He grabs his face and kisses him. Sander grabs Robbe’s waist and moves his body closer. For a second it feels like it’s just the two of them and they get lost in their own little universe. However, they quickly remember that their friends are there and stop before it gets too steamy.  
‘Oh, right.’ Sander says with a smile on his face. ‘Now I remember why.’

FRIDAY JANUARY 17 22:55

Sander is living his best life. He is dancing and singing his lungs out to ‘Under Pressure’ in a club surrounded by his friends with Robbe’s arms wrapped around him. It feels good to let loose a little bit. To drink some alcohol and dance like nobody’s watching. Sander has had a very stressful time, but luckily that’s over now. He knows that his moment of peace won’t last forever, so he cherishes every single second of it. At the end of the song, Sander grabs his boyfriend’s waist and kisses him. Robbe cups Sander’s face in his hands. Maybe alcohol isn’t such a bad thing. If Sander had been sober he probably wouldn’t have kissed Robbe in public like that, but with is brain functioning at half-speed he doesn’t think twice about it. The only thing he can think about is how much he loves Robbe, and how lucky he is to have him. When they finish kissing, Sander rests his forehead on Robbe’s. They stare into each other’s eyes. Sander studies his boyfriend’s eyes. His beautiful brown eyes. Then he slowly glances down his face to his adorable nose. Then to the cute dimples on his cheeks, which appear in different quantities relative to how happy he is, Sander counts four. Finally, his lips. His lips. The lips that he’s been staring at since the first day they met. Whenever he sees those lips, all he wants to do is kiss them. To feel their warmth. Sander can’t help himself, he moves in closer, and Robbe does the same, until he suddenly jerks away.  
‘Hey!’ He says as he’s looking at something behind Sander. Sander turns his head to look where Robbe is looking and sees a familiar face.  
‘Is that Senne?’ Sander says, his mouth very close to Robbe’s ear so he can hear him.  
‘Let’s go talk to him.’ Robbe says as he grabs Sander’s arm and starts dragging him along. Senne’s face lights up as soon as he sees them coming his way.  
‘Robbe! Sander!’ He shouts.  
‘Hey! It’s good to see you.’ Robbe yells, trying to be comprehensible with the loud music.  
‘You too.’ Senne shouts. ‘Glad to you two are still going strong.’  
‘Well, he let me live with him for three weeks so now I feel obligated to stay with him.’ Sander jokes. ‘Can’t have him think I just did it for the free housing.’  
‘Hey.’ Robbe says as he playfully pushes Sander. Sander laughs and wraps his arms around Robbe, hugging him from behind. Senne smiles at them. Sander only got to spend very little time with Senne, but the time he did spend with him, he really enjoyed his company. Senne seemed very kind and understanding. He had never even thought twice about Robbe’s relationship with Sander. Also, from what Sander had heard, he was part of the reason Robbe went looking for him after his episode, which he is eternally grateful for.  
‘Wait, wasn’t it your birthday?’ Robbe asks. Senne smiles, clearly flattered that Robbe remembered.  
‘Yeah. Yesterday.’ He replies.  
‘Happy bleated birthday, then.’  
‘Yeah, happy birthday.’ Sander says.  
‘Merci.’ Senne smiles. ‘How are you all doing? How’s Zoë?’  
‘Good.’ Robbe replies. ‘I’m actually moving out of the flatshare soon. I’m going to live with my mom.’ Sander loves the way Robbe smiles when he says that. Even though Robbe has now met Sander’s mom several times, Sander hasn’t met Robbe’s yet. But seeing the smile on Robbe’s face when he talks about her, Sander knows she has to be the most wonderful mother in the world.  
‘That’s great!’ Senne replies.  
‘And Zoë is doing well. So is Milan.’  
‘Good. I’m glad.’ There is a slight hesitation in Senne’s response. Sander doesn’t know exactly how long Zoë and Senne had been together, but he does know that it’d been really hard on Zoë. Sander opens his mouth to say something when he get tapped on the shoulder. He turns around to see Mirthe.  
‘What are you guys doing over here?’ She drunkenly yells. ‘We miss you!’ She grabs Sander’s arm and starts dragging him.  
‘It looks like we have to go.’ Robbe yells at Senne. ‘It was good to see you again.’  
‘You too!’ Senne yells back as Sander and Robbe get dragged back to their friends.

SATURDAY JANUARY 18 00:27

TRIGGER WARNING: Slurs and violence

Moyo knows he doesn’t have a chance with a girl as pretty as Laura. He should probably give up, but he doesn’t know how. He’s just absolutely mesmerized by her. He tries approaching her for the millionth time when suddenly, he notices Robbe and Sander leaving the club, Robbe clung to Sander like a koala.  
‘Where are they going?’ He asks Laura, pointing at the couple. She looks where Moyo’s finger is pointing.  
‘I don’t think they even know themselves.’ Laura asks, she gets up from her bar stool and starts walking towards the door.  
‘Where are you going?’ Moyo asks.  
‘To make sure they don’t do anything stupid.’ She answers. Moyo decides to follow her. When they step outside they see Robbe and Sander making out under a lamp post. Clingy, happy, and in love. Moyo still hasn’t forgiven himself for the way he acted when Robbe first came out, and before that. Looking at them now, seeing how happy Robbe is now, he wonders how he could’ve ever said those things.  
‘Sander!’ Laura yells out. Moyo hears the door of the club open, Jens and Aaron step out. They must have seen them leave and followed them. Robbe and Sander stop making out, which neither of them seem happy about.  
‘What?’ Sander yells, annoyed. The two of them are clearly drunk.  
‘What are you doing?’ Laura yells, she starts walking towards them.  
‘We just needed some air.’ Robbe says with slurred speech. ‘Leave us alone.’ The two of them start making out again, they have their hands all over each other.  
‘How did he ever convince us that he’s straight?’ Jens jokes.  
‘Honestly, he deserves an Oscar for that.’ Aaron replies. In the middle of laughing, Moyo hears something that makes him flinch.  
‘Hey! Faggots! Get a room!’ A voice yells.  
‘The fuck did you just say?!’ Without even thinking Moyo yells at the man who appears to be the source of the voice, his body is already moving in the man’s direction before his mind notices it. As he’s walking towards the man he feels a hand grab his sleeve.  
‘Moyo, just leave it.’ Robbe pleads. But Moyo can’t leave it. Not now, not ever. Nobody, nobody, talks to Robbe and Sander like that. Maybe he’s a hypocrite, knowing how he acted before. Or maybe this is just his way of making up for everything he did wrong. However, he knew one thing for certain: we would not just leave it.  
‘He said those faggots-‘ A friend of the previous man starts, but he can’t even finish his sentence before Moyo punches him in the face. His body had moved before his mind could even comprehend what was happening. He stares at his fist, then at the man, whose nose is now bleeding. Before he knows it, Moyo tackled to the floor, he doesn’t know what is happening, but he feels his body being kicked all over. He sees Jens and Aaron run in his direction, each of them try to drag one of the men away from Moyo. He sees someone floor one of the men, when he sits up he realizes that it’s Iliass. He sees that Ruben and Mirthe are now also outside, staring at the fight that has broken out. Moyo stands up and distances himself from the fight, staring in horror at how his friend are fighting three grown men. He gets ready to go back in when he feels an arm on his shoulder and sees Senne standing next to him.  
‘What’s going on?’ He demands.  
‘Those fucking assholes called Robbe and Sander faggots.’ Moyo pant. Moyo doesn’t even have to say anything more, Senne and his friends charge at the fight, they try pull the fight apart.  
‘Hey!’ A loud voice suddenly sounds, it belongs to one of two police officers coming in their direction.  
‘Shit!’ One of the men exclaims as he sees the cops coming. ‘Let’s go.’ The three of men run off. One of the officers runs after them, while the other confronts the group that is still sitting on the sidewalk, all of them in shock. Moyo walks towards them. He looks at the terrible thing he’s cause. All of them are covered in bruises.  
‘What is going on here?’ The officer demands.  
‘Those assholes were being homophobic!’ Moyo yells.  
‘There’s no need to yell.’ The officer says firmly.  
‘But they were yelling slurs at my friends-‘ Moyo looks around to point at Robbe and Sander, but he can’t see them anywhere. He looks around, confused. He must be disoriented. They were just here, right?  
‘They’re gone.’ Laura comes running toward him.  
‘What do you mean?’ Moyo asks.  
‘I mean I can’t find Sander and Robbe.’ She’s frantically typing on her phone.  
‘Wait, who’s gone?’ The officer asks.  
‘Our friends. Robbe and Sander. They were just here. They were the ones those men were yelling slurs at.’ Moyo explains.  
‘They’re not in the club either.’ Mirthe says as her and Ruben come running through the doors of the club.  
‘What’s happening?’ Jens has managed to get up and walk towards them. He looks like hell. But, then again, they all do. All because of Moyo.  
‘Robbe and Sander just took off without saying a word.’ Moyo explains.  
‘What?’ Jens says. ‘Robbe!’ He starts yelling. All of them start yelling for them. They can’t have gotten far, right? Where would they even go this time of night? Why wouldn’t they say anything? Moyo wonders if it’s his fault. They probably left because he couldn’t leave those men be. But they were being assholes. What was he supposed to do? Let someone talk at his friends like that?  
‘Wait I just got a text from Sander!’ Laura exclaims. ‘It says: don’t worry, we’re safe, just hiding from the fallout.’ Moyo sigs in relief.  
‘What the hell does that mean?’ Aaron asks.  
‘I have no idea.’ Laura replies, concern in her eyes.


	3. 'I told you you'd get hurt because of me'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three of my daily wtfock fanfic.  
> If you want to follow it live you can follow me on Tumbr: @wtfanfics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your positive response! I truly feel so blessed that so many of you enjoy my fic! I hope you guys enjoy my new chapter.

SATURDAY JANUARY 18 11:21

There is a brief moment when Robbe wakes up, his mind still completely blank, that he doesn’t remember what happened the night before. He opens his eyes, he feels a slight pain in his back, then he realizes he is sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor. He remembers where he is. He’s at Sander’s school, in Sander’s private studio. Then, the also remembers why he is there, and what happened the night before. It all happened so fast, one second he was making out with Sander, existing in their own little universe. The next, they were pulled right back into reality when a guy started yelling slurs at them. Robbe and Sander had stopped kissing, and tried their bests not to provoke anything. They didn’t want any trouble, not like last time. But before they knew it, Moyo came storming at the men. Robbe had asked him to leave it, but within seconds Moyo had punched one of the guys square in the face. Then, all hell broke loose. Robbe had stood there, completely frozen, his eyes closed as if not seeing it would stop him from remembering that night, when one of the men punched Robbe in the face. Before he could even react, someone had already dragged the man away from him and Sander had grabbed his hand and distanced them from the fight. Sander. He suddenly realizes that he is alone in the sleeping bag.

‘Sander?’ He shouts, jerking upright. He sees his boyfriend sitting at his drawing table.

‘What?’ Sander turns his head towards Robbe. He sighs in relief.

‘How long have you been awake?’ He ask as he stands up and walks towards Sander.

‘A while.’ Sander sounds tired. There are many drawings on Sander’s table, many of them are of Robbe sleeping. Seeing how much he’s been drawing, Robbe wonders if Sander has slept at all. Robbe’s head is pounding, but he chooses to ignore it. Sander is much more important right now. Robbe crouches down beside him, he notices how tired Sander looks. But, to be fair, Robbe himself probably doesn’t look so peachy either.

‘Are you okay?’ Robbe calmly asks, grabbing Sander’s hand. He remains silent, looking down at the half-finished drawing on his table.

‘I told you.’ Sander says hoarsely.

‘What?’

‘I told you you’d get hurt because of me.’ Robbe closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. How could Sander ever think any of this was his fault?

‘Sander.’ He says. ‘Please, look at me.’ Sander sighs and looks at Robbe. His beautiful green eyes look like they’ve had every bit of light sucked out of them.

‘None of this is your fault, okay?’ He tries his best to keep his voice calm, but on the inside his heart is racing.

‘If I hadn’t been there-‘ Sander starts, looking away from Robbe again.

‘If you hadn’t been there, if I hadn’t been there, if those men hadn’t been there.’ Robbe says. ‘But that isn’t the case. We were there. Maybe there’s a universe out there where that isn’t the case. Where you weren’t there. But maybe that Robbe hasn’t even met you, or maybe that Robbe and Sander didn’t end up together. I’ll tell you what. I would rather have bruises on every centimeter of my body and be with you, than not have any bruises and not be with you. Because, trust me, the latter would hurt more.’

‘But, it’ll happen again-‘

‘Maybe. Maybe we’ll get hit by a bus tomorrow and this entire discussion was pointless. But that’s a problem for later.’ Robbe touches his forehead with Sander’s. ‘For now, we take it minute by minute, remember?’

‘Right, minute by minute.’ Sander sighs. ‘What are we doing this minute, then?’

‘This minute.’ Robbe says. ‘I’m going to tell you that I love you. So much.’ A small smile appears on Sander’s face.

‘I love you, too’ He says. Robbe kisses him, and for that one minute all their problems seem so far away. When their lips break apart Robbe looks at Sander, who is smiling again.

‘You look so beautiful when you smile.’ Robbe whispers.

SUNDAY JANUARY 19 16:51

Sander is sitting at his drawing table, facing his boyfriend, who is slumped against the wall on the other side of the room. Sander has drawn Robbe countless times, but it just never seems enough. He never seems to be able to get it just right, there is always something missing. There is not a single artist in the world, however talented they may be, that could capture how Sander truly sees Robbe. So kind. So beautiful. So angelic. Robbe is his muse, what keeps him going, what makes him feel safe.

Robbe looks up and smiles at Sander. Such a small thing still gives him butterflies. Not a single minute goes by without Sander wondering what someone like Robbe is doing with someone like him. Such a beautiful and lively person could no doubt do so much better than Sander. He wonders why Robbe is even still here, sitting on the cold floor of Sander’s studio. He has never bothered to get extra chairs for his studio, since he never thought he’d meet someone he’d want to bring there. But then he did, then he met Robbe. The person who feels as much as a safe place as his studio. The person he wants to share his studio with. He has been sitting there all weekend, patiently waiting for Sander to feel better. Never asking how much longer it’s going to take, never pushing him to home or do anything he doesn’t want to do, just being there with him in the moment.

Robbe stands up and starts walking around.

‘No, no.’ Sander whines. Robbe looks at him, puzzled. ‘I’m not done yet. Sit back down.’

‘Can’t I just walk around for a second?’ Robbe laughs.

‘No.’ Sander replies. ‘I need my model to stay still.’ He gestures for Robbe to sit back down in his spot. Robbe walks toward him, leaning on the table, towering over Sander.

‘Well, my butt hurts from this floor. And besides, I’m pretty sure you have my face memorized.’ Robbe looks around at all the drawings of his face on the walls.

‘I told you, you don’t have to stay here.’ Sander looks up at Robbe. ‘If you’re uncomfortable on the floor you can go home and sit on the couch, and sleep in something more comfortable than a sleeping bag on the floor.’ Robbe shakes his head, bowing down so that his head is at the same height as Sander’s.

‘I told you.’ He says. ‘I’m not leaving you.’

‘You don’t even have anywhere to sit.’

‘Well, I guess I’ll just have to be creative then.’ Robbe smiles and walks around the table to sit on Sander’s lap. He leans his forehead against Sander’s. Sander studies his face, and the bruise on his cheek. He can’t believe he let something like this happen again. He shouldn’t have been so drunk, then he would’ve been able to protect him, maybe then he could’ve stepped in front of him, so that he would’ve been hit instead. But now Robbe is hurt, and the rest of their friends probably are, too. He should have never told Robbe to go outside and get some air with him. They should have just stayed with the group, then maybe this wouldn’t have happened.

‘What are you thinking about?’ Robbe asks, he must’ve noticed that Sander was drowning in his thoughts.

‘Just that you’re distracting me from my art again.’ Sander jokes. Robbe leans back and playfully pushes Sander.

‘What about you?’ Sander asks.

‘What I’m thinking about?’ Sander nods. Robbe looks at the drawing on Sander’s table, he pick it up and studies it more carefully.

‘I’m thinking about what a great artist you are.’ He says. Sander blushes and looks down. Robbe puts a hand on his chin, and guides it up to meet his eyes.

‘I’m serious.’ He persists. ‘You’re incredible. You make me look a lot more handsome than I actually am.’

‘Impossible.’ Sander claims. ‘Your beauty could never be captured on something as mundane as a drawing.’ Robbe blushes. Sander traces Robbe’s face with his fingers.

‘How’s your face?’ He asks, feeling the swollen bruise on his cheek.

‘It’s fine.’ Robbe assures him.

‘Are you sure?’ Sander asks.

‘I’m sure.’ Robbe grabs his face and gently kisses him. When he pulls back, Sander looks at him. He grabs him by the waist and pulls him closer, kissing him more passionately. He feels Robbe’s arms wrap around his neck. That feeling. Of his Robbe’s arms around him, of the touch of his warm lips. That feeling could never be captured in a drawing.

MONDAY JANUARY 20 19:07

Zoë is busy trying to cook dinner, but she can’t get her mind off Robbe and Sander. Nobody has heard from either of them all weekend, and Robbe didn’t show up to school this morning. She is preparing dinner for four, just like she has done the past two days, in case Robbe comes back and he brings Sander with him. However, it seems like it will just be her and Milan again today. With Robbe gone for just three days, she realizes how much she is going to miss him when he moves out. Part of her wants to beg him to stay with them, but she doesn’t want to take away the opportunity for him to live with his mom again.

In the middle of chopping a carrot, she hears the door open. At first, she thinks Milan has come home, but then she remembers that he is already home, sitting on the couch in the living room. She immediately walks to the corridor and sees Robbe and Sander walk in the door, the both of them look incredibly tired. Milan comes barging out of the living room.

‘Oh, thank God.’ He exclaims. ‘You’re safe.’

‘Yes, we’re fine.’ Robbe says with a monotonous voice.

‘Where have you been?’ Milan demands.

‘Nowhere.’ Robbe whines.

‘Nowhere?’

‘Does it matter?’ Robbe snaps. ‘We’re here now, aren’t we?’ Zoë takes a closer look at Robbe, she softly touches the bruise on his cheek.

‘You’re hurt.’ She says, gently touching his cheek with her hand.

‘It’s nothing.’ He says, slapping her hand away.

‘What about you, Sander?’ She asks. ‘Are you hurt?’ She steps closer to Sander, who is being suspiciously quiet. Zoë looks up at him and sees how tired he looks.

‘I’m fine.’ He mumbles. ‘The others probably look a lot worse.’

‘Yeah. The boys looked pretty rough.’ Zoë says, remembering seeing Jens, Moyo and Aaron at school that day. Moyo and Aaron both had black eyes, Moyo’s looked the worst, and he also had a cut lip. Jens didn’t look too bad but he was limping the entire day. But none of them even seemed to care about their injuries, the only thing they cared about was whether Robbe and Sander were safe.

‘They were worried about you.’ Zoë says.

‘We all were.’ Milan adds. He’s right. Zoë had been worried about them ever since Jens called her Friday night to ask her whether she’d heard anything from them. Even though Robbe is the same age as her, and Sander is even older than her, she feels like their big sister. She knows that there’s no way she can always keep an eye on them, and that Robbe is going to move out soon, but after everything she saw him go through she feels the need to protect him.

‘Well, we’re here now, aren’t we?’ Robbe whines. ‘And we’re clearly fine.’ Sander has finally managed to remove his shoes and walks past Zoë and Milan towards Robbe’s room, not saying a word. Zoë’s glance follows him as he walks past her.

‘Do you need anything?’ Milan asks.

‘Yeah, I’m cooking dinner. Do you-‘ Zoë adds.

‘No I don’t want anything.’ Robbe cuts her off, clearly annoyed.

‘What about Sander?’ Milan asks. ‘He didn’t look too good, is he alright?’

‘Can you just leave me alone?’ Robbe yells, storming off to his bedroom. Zoë follows him with her glance, confused and worried at the same time. She looks at Milan, whose face is full of concern.

‘Am I missing something?’ She asks. Milan looks at her.

‘What do you mean?’ He asks.

‘I don’t know I just feel like there’s something that they’re not telling us.’

‘Like what?’

‘I don’t know, Milan. I just have a gut feeling.’

TUESDAY JANUARY 21 17:13

Robbe closes the apartment door behind him and leans against it with his entire weight, his body feels incredibly tired. He puts his grocery bags down on the floor. It wasn’t even his turn to buy the groceries, but he wanted to postpone coming home for as long as possible. He even took an extra-long way home, but Sander would probably be worried if he didn’t come home soon, so he decided to risk it and return home. He feels lost, not wanting to be at school with his friends, but also not wanting to be home where Milan and Zoë would be. From all sides people keep asking him how he is, how Sander is, if they need anything. What they need is some peace and quiet, for everyone to just leave them be. He knew it was a mistake to go to school, but he went anyway. All of his friends kept asking him about where he had been all weekend. Jens was the worst out of all of them, after Aaron and Moyo had already dropped it, he kept nagging Robbe to tell him what’s up with him. Why can’t he just accept that Robbe doesn’t want to talk about it? Truthfully, he does want to talk about it, he just doesn’t know how. He has never really talked about it with anyone, not even Sander. Part of him is also scared to do so. To dig up those wounds. To relive that night, when he was the most afraid he’s ever been.

Robbe walks down the corridor towards the kitchen and starts to unload the groceries as fast as possible, hoping to avoid talking to Milan or Zoë.

‘You didn’t need to buy groceries today.’ Milan’s voice startles him.

‘Well, one of you bought groceries when it was my turn on Sunday.’ Robbe explains. ‘I just wanted to make it even.’ He tries his best do avoid eye contact with Milan, hoping it’ll make him go away.

‘You know that isn’t necessary.’ Milan tells him.

‘Yeah, well, the groceries are here now, aren’t they?’ Robbe snaps. He knows that he’s being unreasonable, but he just wants Milan to leave him alone. He just wants everyone to leave him alone. Silence falls and Robbe continues to unload the bag of groceries.

‘You can always talk to me, you know that right?’ Milan calmly says after a while, comfortingly putting a hand on Robbe’s shoulder.

‘Yes, I know, Milan.’ Robbe whines. ‘Can you just leave me alone?’ He pushes the hand off his shoulder. Milan holds his hands up apologetically and leaves the kitchen. Robbe sighs deeply, leaning against the fridge, as though his own body has become too heavy for him.

When he finishes unloading the groceries he walks to his room. He quietly opens the door and sees that Sander is sleeping. He stands in the door opening for a second, quietly admiring his sleeping boyfriend. He decides not to wake him, he quietly puts his bag down on the ground and walks over to his desk to grab his laptop to take with him to the living room.

‘Hey.’ Sander says with a husky voice, just as Robbe is about to leave the room. Robbe turns around to look at his boyfriend, who is now sitting up.

‘I’m sorry. I tried not to wake you.’ Robbe says as he walks towards him.

‘Don’t worry about it.’ Sander assures him. ‘I wasn’t really sleeping anyway.’ Robbe puts his laptop down on the bedside table climbs onto the bed to give Sander a peck.

‘How was your day?’ Robbe asks. Sander shrugs.

‘I had some food, drew some pictures, but mostly just lay in bed.’ He says. Robbe lays against Sander’s chest, who puts his arm around his neck. Robbe had missed the comfort of Sander’s arm during his day at school.

‘How was school?’ Sander asks.

‘Good.’ Robbe lies. He really doesn’t need Sander to think he had a bad day, he already has enough on his mind. He doesn’t need him to know about the anxiety he felt constantly being questioned about their whereabouts during the weekend, or the guilt when he saw his friends bruised and limping. Besides, Robbe decided to go to school for Sander’s sake in the first place, since he knows he wouldn’t have agreed with Robbe staying home.

‘How were the boys?’ Sander asks.

‘Moyo and Aaron both have black eyes.’ Robbe explains. ‘And Jens injured his leg. Have you heard anything from Iliass?’

‘He has a broken nose.’ Sander says, sadness in his voice, Robbe sees him looking down.

‘Hey.’ Robbe says, putting his hand under Sander’s chin and making him look in his eyes. ‘They’ll be alright.’ He knows that Sander feels guilty about what happened, even if it wasn’t his fault. Robbe has been trying to convince him that he isn’t to blame, but when he does so he always feels like a hypocrite, because he can’t seem to shake the feeling that he himself is to blame for what happened.

‘What about you?’ Sander asks, caressing the bruise on Robbe’s cheek. ‘Will you be alright?’

‘Always.’ Robbe leans forward and lightly kisses Sander’s lips.

WEDNESDAY JANUARY 22 22:36

Sander is staring at the blank paper in front of him, he anxiously taps the paper with the pencil in his hand, unable to find any inspiration. He looks over at his boyfriend, his muse, who making his homework at his desk. Sander has barely been outside in five days, only for a short while when him and Robbe moved from his studio to the flatshare. The rhythmic tapping of his pencil on the paper continues.

‘Sander.’ Robbe finally says with slight annoyance in his voice.

‘Sorry.’ Sander says as he stops tapping. Robbe turns around in his chair, looking at Sander.

‘Everything okay?’ He asks, standing up and walking towards the bed Sander is sitting on.

‘Yeah, it’s fine.’ Sander replies. ‘It’s just staying cooped up inside all day is getting a bit on my nerves.’ Robbe climbs onto the bed, sitting across from Sander.

‘You could take a walk tomorrow.’ Robbe suggests. This idea triggers something in Sander, and he suddenly feels the need to go outside right that second.

‘Tomorrow?’ Sander asks, jumping off the bed. ‘Let’s go now.’ He grabs Robbe’s arm and starts pulling Robbe off the bed.

‘Now?’ Robbe asks, sitting up on the bed, looking at Sander with his adorable brown eyes.

‘Yes, now.’ Sander replies. ‘Come.’

‘But it’s late.’

‘Time is relative, Robbe.’ Sander jokes. Robbe annoyedly looks at him. Sander grabs his hand, pulling a little more aggressively this time.

‘Fine.’ Robbe finally gives in, getting off the bed. Sander smiles at him.

‘I’ll get you home before curfew.’ He jokes. ‘I promise.’ He gives Robbe a small peck, enjoying teasing his boyfriend.

‘I’m glad you’re making jokes again.’ Robbe says, putting his arms around Sander’s neck and kissing him, who can’t help but smile the entire time.

‘Come on, then.’ Sander finally says as he breaks the kiss apart, grabbing Robbe’s hand and dragging him along.

The two of them walk through the corridor and to the front door, putting on their shoes, coats and beanies and quickly sneaking outside to avoid Milan and Zoë questioning where they are going. They walk outside, it’s very cold, their breath is visible in the air.

‘It’s so cold.’ Robbe complains, rubbing his arms.

‘It’s ice cold.’ Sander replies, remembering their first kiss at the pool. Robbe giggles, clearly having understood the reference.

‘We’re not going swimming again, right?’ He asks, partially joking, but also slight concern in his voice. Sander raises his eyebrows.

‘Who knows?’ He jokes.

‘I’m serious.’ Robbe replies, playfully shoving Sander. Sander laughs. Laughing feels so good, especially laughing with Robbe, because he knows he never has to fake laughing around him, or fake being happy when he’s with him. Robbe understands when that sometimes Sander isn’t in his usual jokey mood, and has never been bothered by it or made Sander feel guilty about it. He wonders how someone like him ever did to deserve someone so kind and compassionate.

‘Okay, so no swimming.’ Sander says. ‘What do we do, then?’

‘How about we just walk?’ Robbe replies.

‘We can do that.’ Robbe smiles at him, and what a beautiful smile he as. That smile means absolutely everything to Sander. Making Robbe happy is the only thing he wants in life. Sander immediately wants to kiss that smile, and he almost does. But he stops himself just in time, realizing that they are outside, and that there are other people around. Sander never, never, wants to put Robbe in danger again. The last time he was drunk, and he didn’t know what he was doing, which is a bad excuse, he knows that, but at least they weren’t alone then. This time they are alone, and Sander is sober. There is no excuse to put Robbe in danger this time. The air suddenly feels colder on his lips, missing the feeling of Robbe’s warm lips on his. He looks at Robbe’s smiling face, his cheek still slightly bruised, and he knows that has to refrain himself, because he doesn’t want to see that beautiful smile disappear from his face ever again.

THURSDAY JANUARY 23 12:57

Jens spots his best friend walking across the courtyard alone. Robbe has been especially quiet the last few days, which worries Jens. He know Robbe well, and he knows that he’s only ever this quiet and distant when something is bothering him. He has been waiting to talk to Robbe alone, but there never get the chance, since Moyo and Aaron are always around. This time, though, he’s sure he can catch Robbe alone. He walks towards him and taps him on the shoulder.

‘Hey, what’s up?’ He says. Robbe looks at him, Jens notices that he looks tired.

‘What?’ Robbe grumpily says. It’s been like the this all week, every time someone tries to start a conversation with Robbe they get an annoyed response. Usually, Jens would just let Robbe be his grumpy self, but not today. Jens refuses to just let Robbe distance himself from the world today.

‘I was just curious how you are.’ Jens explains, trying his best to stay calm. ‘Being your best friend, and all.’

‘If you were really my best friend you’d leave me be.’ Robbe replies.

‘I’m just worried about you.’

‘Why? I don’t need you to be. I can take perfect care of myself.’

‘You disappeared for days without telling anybody. I was so worried, we were all worried.’

‘First of all, it’s really none of your business where we were this weekend. In fact, it’s not really anybody’s business. So if everyone could just shut the fuck to about it, we’d really appreciate it.’

‘Robbe-‘

‘Secondly, we texted someone that we were safe, so I don’t understand why people keep complaining about the fact that we didn’t say anything.’

‘One text, that’s all we got. And it was from Sander to Laura. ‘You didn’t even bother to send anyone a text. Not even me.’

‘Whatever. I’m done with this conversation.’ Robbe starts walking fester, but Jens catches up with him and jumps in front of him.

‘Well, I’m not.’ He demands.

‘Jens-‘ Robbe whines.

‘No.’ Jens snaps. ‘I’m not letting you avoid this conversation anymore.’ He takes a breath and puts his hand on Robbe’s shoulder. Jens tries to make eye contact but Robbe keeps looking at the ground.

‘What’s with you?’ Jens says, making his voice sound more calm.

‘It’s nothing okay?’ Robbe replies as he keeps staring at the ground.

‘It’s not nothing.’ Jens replies. ‘I haven’t seen you like this in weeks. I mean, the last time it was this bad was when you had all that shit going on with Sander. I remember that week you’d gotten in that fight, just before you came out to me, you were acting the same way you’re acting now.’

As the words leave Jens’ lips, something clicks in his brain. That fight Robbe got in a few weeks ago. He hadn’t thought about that fight in weeks, because it seemed so insignificant. But what if it wasn’t? That night he had that panic attack in an alley, and he refused to talk about what happened, just like he refuses to talk about what happened last Friday. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to talk about it. He still has a trauma from that fight. Maybe the fight was in that alley. But then why did Sander have such a visceral reaction? Did he have something similar happen? Then a thought creeps into his head. When Robbe came out to him, he told Jens that him and Sander had kissed a week prior, the week he got into that fight. Sander. Sander. Sander. They saw Sander at the café just before their conversation, but only briefly. Jens hadn’t thought much of it then, but he remembers that there were bruises on his face. They were slight, but they were there. So maybe Sander was at that fight too. Maybe they were somewhere together. Maybe it was something similar to what happened on Friday, which is why they reacted like that. Maybe. Maybe.

‘Fuck.’ Jens suddenly yells as the realization sets in. This causes Robbe to finally look up at him.

‘What?’ He asks. Jens slightly loosens his grip on Robbe’s arm. Hoping, praying, that what he just thought of isn’t true. That it’s just some stupid thought. He shouldn’t assume the worst. That kind of shit doesn’t happen anymore right? Right?

‘Jens, what?’ Robbe demands. He looks in the direction Jens is looking in, but he’s not consciously looking at anything. He’s just staring into the void.

‘Robbe?’ He starts.

‘What?’ Robbe replies, still whiney.

‘That fight you got in a few weeks ago.’ Jens continues. ‘Is that what all of this is about?’

‘What are you talking about? It was just some fight, I haven’t thought about that fight in weeks.’

‘Really? Was it just a fight?’

‘What else would it have been, then?’

‘You tell me.’ Robbe looks at him, trying to act confused, but Jens sees in his eyes that he’s onto something.

‘Was Sander there?’ Jens asks him.

‘The fuck does that matter?’ Robbe yells, his body language is slowly changing, he begins to look more and more fragile.

‘I think you know why that matters.’

‘I really don’t understand what you’re talking about.’ Robbe’s voice slowly starts to break.

‘Really? Look me in the eyes and tell me it was just some stupid fight. Tell me it has nothing to do with what happened last Friday, or in the week before that in the alley,’ Robbe looks up at him, he opens his mouth but no words come out. Instead, a tear is forming in his eye. Jens knows what the answer to the question is. He know that he’s right.

‘Fuck this.’ Robbe yells and he walks away from Jens. This time, Jens doesn’t follow him. This time, he just stands there, watching as his best friend disappears into the distance.

FRIDAY JANUARY 24 22:12

Robbe declines Jens’ call for what is probably the hundredth time. He has calling and sending him messages since their conversation yesterday. Robbe went home immediately after he talked to Jens, or rather, when Jens talked at Robbe while Robbe stared at the ground most of the time. He hasn’t been at school since. He knows that he’s going to have to talk to Jens at some point, but he doesn’t want that point to be now. Truthfully, he doesn’t know how to talk about it, he has never even really said it out loud. When he told Milan, he only had to say a few fractions of a sentence for him to understand, whenever he tries to talk about it with Sander they always refer to it as ‘that night’ and now Jens somehow managed to figure it out on his own without Robbe having to say a word.

‘Why does Jens keep calling you?’ Sander, against whom Robbe is laying, asks.

‘He keeps nagging me about a vlog that I’m just not in the mood for.’ Robbe lies, he feels Sander caress his arm.

‘Tell him you’re not in the mood, then.’ Sander tells him.

‘I have.’ Robbe replies. ‘He just doesn’t listen.’ He’s not completely lying this time, he has texted Jens that he’s just not in the mood of a conversation right now. Of couse he understands that Jens is just trying to be a good friend, but sometimes Robbe needs to do things on his own time.

‘My friends can just be so annoying sometimes.’ Robbe exclaims. The feeling of Sander rubbing his shoulders calms him down a little. To be fair, Sander can touch him in any way and it’ll calm him down. It’s like his touch is magic, in a way Robbe has never felt before.

‘Let’s go on another walk.’ Sander suggests.

‘Again? Do you want me to get hypothermia or something?’ Robbe jokes.

‘I mean you’re just so hot all the time.’ Sander teases. ‘It’s not fair to me, I have to do something about it.’ Robbe snorts and grabs Sander’s head, bringing it towards his and pressing their lips together.

‘Alright.’ Robbe finally agrees. ‘Let’s go, then.’

The door closes behind them. Robbe looks up at the sky, appreciating the starts in the sky that are only faintly visible due to the light pollution of the city.

‘So I think I’m going to go home tomorrow.’ Sander states after a while of silence.

‘That’s good, your mother probably misses you.’ Robbe replies.

‘Yeah, she does.’ Sander confirms. ‘Would you want to join us for dinner tomorrow?’

‘Are you sure your mother doesn’t want you all for herself tomorrow?’

‘She asked me to invite you. She misses you just as much as she misses me. Maybe even more.’ Robbe chuckles.

‘Well I’m pretty sure if you met my mom she’d instantly like you more than me.’

‘That’s impossible.’

‘Why is that?’

‘Well you’re just so perfect.’ Robbe blushes. He feels the need to kiss Sander overcome him, but he doesn’t let it control him. He doesn’t let him do something he might end up regretting. Something that might end badly. He notices Sander licking his lips. He probably craves the touch of Robbe’s lips just as much as Robbe craves the touch of his. But they remain distant. Maybe even too distant. Not even daring to hold hands.

‘But you should let me meet your mom, then.’ Sander comments.

‘I will. Soon.’ Robbe replies. ‘As soon as she’s settled in her new house I can move in with her. Then you can meet her.’

‘Only then?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, I want to meet her sooner. You’ve met my mom several times now.’

‘I’ll see what I can do.’

‘Is that a promise?’

Robbe sighs. Sander looks at Robbe with a pouty face.

‘Fine. I promise.’ Robbe gives in. Sander’s pout immediately turns into a smile. He knows Robbe will always give in when he looks at him like that.

Even though he is only a few centimeters away, without the touching and intimacy that usually comes with their conversations, Sander feels so distant. It feels like it’s all a dream. They are usually touching in some type of way when they’re together, whether it’s holding hands, running their fingers through the other’s hair, or kissing every three seconds. But now they’re walking down the street together. Robbe is walking down the street with his boyfriend, his love, his everything, as if he’s just one of his friends. As if his chapped lips don’t crave the warm touch of Sander’s. As if his body doesn’t feel extra cold, just because Sander isn’t holding it. As if his every muscle in his body doesn’t ache to be closer to Sander. As if his mind isn’t filled to the brim with memories of Sander. As if they didn’t fight to be together. As if they didn’t go through hell be able to love each other, to be able to touch each other in the first place. Maybe really is just a dream, because right now there is nothing that can prove to Robbe that any of it is real.


	4. 'I don't want to talk about it'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 of my daily wtfock fanfic.  
> Want to follow the updates everyday? Follow me on Tumblr: @wtfanfics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading my fic! I hope you enjoy the new chapter!  
> I love and appreciate all of you so much. Feel free to leave comments, I love to read them!

SATURDAY JANUARY 25 16:26

Robbe walks down the corridor of the flat, heading to the kitchen to make Sander some coffee. He is stopped by a voice calling his name from the living room. He walks to the living room door and notices Milan sitting on the couch.

‘I thought you we out today.’ He states.

‘My plans were cancelled.’ Milan replies. He signals for Robbe to enter the room. ‘Can I talk to you?’ Robbe lets out a deep sigh.

‘Not really.’ He replies. Milan tilts his head in annoyance.

‘Come on. You’ve been avoiding me all week.’ He says. ‘And not just me, from what I’ve heard.’

‘Why can’t everyone just leave me alone? Leave us alone?’ Robbe says, he vaguely gestures to his room, where Sander is.

‘Because we’re your friends and we care about you.’ Milan explains. ‘And we’re not stupid, it’s clear that there’s something up with you.’

‘It’s nothing, okay?’

‘Do you really think I would be in a ‘we’re worried about Robbe and Sander’ group chat with people I don’t know if it were nothing?’

‘Wait, really?’ Robbe slowly walks into the living room.

‘No. But I might just as well be. Zoë and I get texts every day from your friends, from Sander’s friends. Asking us how you’re doing. If you’ve talked to any of us.’

‘What do you tell them?’

‘That you’ve barely been out of your room. That you always eat at really strange hours just to avoid running into us in the kitchen. That you go outside at really strange hours and come back in the middle of the night.’ Robbe looks down, not really sure what to tell him.

‘Robbe, I’m here for you. You know that, right?’ Milan says. ‘Come, sit.’ Robbe takes a deep breath and decides to take a seat across from Milan.

‘It’s just-‘ He stammers. ‘I-, we-‘

‘Good. Now we’re getting somewhere.’ Milan jokes. Robbe takes a while to find the words to say, and Milan waits patiently for him to start talking again.

‘It’s just that what happened last week,’ Robbe starts to explain. ‘kind of re-opened a wound that wasn’t fully healed in the first place.’

‘I told you that you needed to talk about that with someone.’

‘I did with you, didn’t I?’

‘No, I tried to talk to you while you just shut me out.’

‘What even is there to talk about?’

‘So much, Robbe. So much.’ Milan opens his mouth to say something else but is interrupted by Sander, who is standing in the door frame.

‘Babe, have you seen my phone charger?’ He asks. Robbe looks up at him.

‘I’m pretty sure it’s in my bedside drawer.’ He tells him.

‘Alright, thanks.’ Sander smiles. ‘Carry on.’ He walks away. Robbe looks back at Milan, who stays silent for a few seconds, until he hears Robbe’s bedroom door close.

‘What about him?’ Milan asks.

‘What about him?’ Robbe replies, puzzled.

‘Have you ever really talked about what happened?’

‘Every time I bring it up even in the slightest he changes the subject or pretends he didn’t hear it.’

‘Why is that?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Have you talked to him about that?’

‘No.’

‘Why not?’

‘I don’t know, Milan.’ Robbe stares at his fidgeting hands, then he looks up at Milan, who is staring at him with deep concern in his eyes.

‘I don’t know what to do, Milan.’ Robbe feels his voice start to break, but he tries the best he can not to cry. ‘I thought everything would get better after all the shit I went through with Sander last month. But now that I don’t have to focus on him as much anymore, it’s like my brain decided to spend more time thinking about-, about-, you know what I’m talking about. And I got a panic attack when Jens and I were in the alley where that happened. I haven’t talked about that with anybody. It was so scary and I just can’t bring myself to tell Sander about it. And Jens figured out what really happened. I have no idea how. But he did. I’ve been avoiding him ever since, even though I know I have to talk to him at some point, I just don’t know what to say. And then, yesterday Sander and I went on a walk and I was too afraid to hold his hand because I don’t want him to get hurt again. I just-, I don’t know what to do anymore.’ Robbe feels a certain sense of release, finally having said all of that out loud. But by saying it out loud, it also makes it more real. He feels tears start welling in his eyes. Milan grabs Robbe’s shoulder and looks him in the eyes. He doesn’t say anything, he just stands up and pulls Robbe into an embrace, who lets himself sink in to the comfort of Milan’s arms.

SATURDAY JANUARY 25 21:01

Sander is sitting in his living room with his two favorite people; his boyfriend and his mother. He feels so happy that they manage to get along so well. Sander has been sitting in silence for minutes, just watching Robbe and his mom converse as if they’ve known each other for years. Part of his mind is present, but the other part is drifting, filled with endless thoughts. Sander sometimes wishes he could stop overthinking. He thinks about this afternoon, when Robbe was talking to Milan in the living room. He probably shouldn’t, as it’s none of his business what they were talking about, but he can’t help but wonder why Robbe decided to talk to him now. Sander noticed that they were in the middle of a conversation when he interrupted them, but after he had asked his question they waited for Sander to enter Robbe’s room to continue the talking. He’s probably just being paranoid. But maybe they were talking about something they didn’t want him to hear. But what would that be? Would there really be things Robbe doesn’t want Sander to hear? Or maybe it was just Milan who didn’t want him to hear it?

Sander manages to snap out of his thoughts when his mother, Carla, stands up from the couch.

‘I have some old photobooks I can show you.’ She tells Robbe as she walks towards the dresser and opens it.

‘No, no. Please don’t’ Sander pleads. He knows that there’s a myriad of ridiculous photos that Robbe will no doubt tease him with until the end of time.

‘Now I definitely want to see them.’ Robbe teasingly smiles at Sander.

‘No. Please?’ Sander tries his best to put on his pouty face and make Robbe give in.

‘Too late.’ His mother says as she slams a photobook on the coffee table and opens the first page. Robbe immediately starts laughing, he points at the worst yearbook photo Sander has ever taken.

‘Wait, this one’s even better.’ His mother says as she flips a few pages. She points at a picture of Sander, when he was about ten years old, with his face completely covered in chocolate. Sander dramatically pouts as Robbe and his mother laugh at the photo.

‘You two are so mean.’

‘Awh.’ Robbe adorably tilts his head.

‘It’s not fair for you two to gang up on me.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Robbe puts his hand behind Sander’s head and kisses his pouting lips. The sweet touch of Robbe’s lips makes it impossible for Sander to continue pouting. His mouth transforms into a big smile. Sander wraps his arms around Robbe, ready to make the kiss more intense, when he remembers his mother’s presence and slowly pulls away. His eyes lingering on Robbe’s deep brown eyes for a little while longer before he fully distances himself from him. Robbe glances back at the photos.

‘That’s so weird.’ He comments, looking back at Sander.

‘What is?’ Sander wonders.

‘Seeing you with your natural hair color.’ Robbe explains. Sander snorts, remembering that Robbe has indeed never seen him with brown hair.

‘I think it’s for the better that you’ve never seen me with brown hair.’

‘Why is that?’

‘I looked so much younger. The bleach adds like four years.’

‘It can’t be that bad.’ Robbe laughs.

‘I may have some more recent photos of Sander with his brown hair.’ Carla says as she gets up from her seat.

‘Mom.’ Sander whines. She and Robbe both look him with teasing grins on their faces.

‘Could I also see some older photos?’ Robbe asks. ‘I would love to see Sander as a baby.’

‘I don’t have anything from before age ten.’ Carla tells him.

‘Oh. What happened to them?’ Robbe wonders. Carla opens her mouth to speak but Sander speaks before she can.

‘Let’s go to my room.’ He says, grabbing Robbe’s hand and starting to drag him off the couch.

‘What? Why?’ Carla asks.

‘Because I’m being bullied here.’ Sander jokes, dragging Robbe along with him to his room.

‘Is everything okay?’ Robbe asks as soon as Sander closes the bedroom door behind him.

‘Yeah, why?’ Sander replies as he lies down on his bed, urging Robbe to join him.

‘It just looked like you were drowning in your thoughts a little.’ Robbe joins Sander on the bed, leaning against Sander’s torso with his head. Sander puts an arm around him and grabs his hand.

‘It’s nothing.’ Sander assures him. He loves that Robbe knows him well enough to notice when something is off, but what he was thinking of was probably just stupid. It was probably just him being paranoid, and he doesn’t want Robbe to think that he doesn’t trust him.

‘And just now, when you suddenly dragged me away from your mother.’ Robbe continues.

‘Oh that’s nothing.’ Sander mumbles. ‘We had a fire that destroyed all the photos we had up to that point. My mother doesn’t like to talk about it.’

‘Oh-‘

‘But it was a long time ago, and nobody got hurt. So don’t worry about it.’

‘Are you sure?’ Robbe looks up at Sander with his adorable doe eyes.

‘Yes, I’m sure.’ Sander says just before he plants a kiss on Robbe’s beautiful lips.

SUNDAY JANUARY 26 23:56

Sander is lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. His mind occupied with seemingly endless thoughts. He thinks about Robbe. His soft hair, his beautiful brown eyes, the dimples in his cheeks when he smiles. He thinks about the warmth of Robbe’s touch, and how much he misses it now that he’s back home. He misses Robbe softly caressing his arm with his fingertips. Sander doesn’t mind being home, he loves his mom and loves to be around her, but he misses the feeling of safety of Robbe in his arms. Sometimes, it scares Sander how much he loves Robbe, and how much he craves to be with him. He often wonders what he did to deserve such a wonderfully sweet boyfriend. How did he ever manage to land the boy he saw in the moonlight that one time. The boy he was immediate infatuated with. The boy who makes Sander believe that maybe soulmates do exist. But is Sander really what Robbe needs? What he deserves? Sander knows Robbe doesn’t deserve to spend his entire weekend uncomfortably sitting on the cold floor of his art studio. Robbe loves him, he knows that, and he knows that he doesn’t mind being there for Sander when he’s not feeling well. But there’s always a part of Sander that makes him feel guilty, that makes him feel like he’s trapping Robbe. Sander also feels guilty about that night, about both those nights, about how he couldn’t protect Robbe. About how he tried to stay away from Robbe after it happened the first time, because he knew he needed to protect him. But then his love for Robbe got the better of him, and he was too selfish to keep staying away. Then it happened again, and this time not only Robbe but also his friends got hurt, and all Sander could to was take Robbe and run away. Why couldn’t he have tried harder to stay away from Robbe? He should have never let him back into his life. He should have protected Robbe. He should have done so many things differently. He should have just stayed with Britt. He shouldn’t have kissed Robbe in the pool. He shouldn’t have gone on that beach trip. He shouldn’t have tried to pursue that sweet boy he saw in the moonlight once. But now it’s too late. 

Sander sits up, his thoughts are suffocating him. He need to go outside, to get some fresh air. He slips out of his bed and leaves his room. The entire house is dark, meaning his mom has already gone to bed. He tries to not to step on the floorboards that creak. He quickly slips on his converse and very carefully opens and closes the apartment door.

It isn’t as cold today as it was the previous times he went on a nighttime stroll, but for some reason it feels colder to Sander. He misses Robbe’s presence. Even though they weren’t touching each other during their walks, it still makes a difference when Robbe is near, when he knows he can touch him when he really needs to. This time he’s all alone. Not that that’s unusual, Sander used to go on walks alone all the time, it helped him clear his head. But that was when he didn’t have anyone he wanted to go on a walk with. Now he has Robbe, the only person he has ever felt this safe with, the only person he has ever shared so much of his life with. Now a walk without Robbe feels like an empty walk. He wants to tell Robbe about everything he sees, everything he hears, everything he feels. He wants to hear his laugh after Sander tells another terrible joke. Never before in his life has Sander missed anyone’s presence like he misses Robbe’s.

He aimlessly walks around the city, slowly coming closer to the center. As he nears the center, he comes across more and more people. He watches in envy as he sees two people, a boy and a girl, happily kiss each other outside a bar while nobody even bats an eye. He thinks about how they probably barely know each other, how they probably only met tonight and are just having a harmless drunk make out session. It’s not fair that they get to just do that and not feel any fear, while Sander is afraid to hold hands with the boy he is truly and deeply in love with. He feels his mind start to race again, with anger, with guilt. He quickly turns a corner and moves away from the couple, singing a David Bowie song to distract his mind from all the thoughts that are trying to creep in.

MONDAY JANUARY 27 19:36  
Robbe hears the doorbell ring and gets up from the couch. He walks to the door, with every step he takes he wonders if he’s doing the right thing, if he’s really ready to talk to Jens. He knows that he has to, and sooner is probably better than later, but he doesn’t even know where to begin to explain everything that happened. He doesn’t even know how to put it into words. He doesn’t know if he can put it into words. His hand touches the door knob, he takes a deep breath and opens the door.

‘Hey.’ He greets Jens.

‘Hey, how’s it going?’ Jens says as he enters the apartment. Robbe shrugs, unsure how to answer that question.

‘What about you?’ He asks.

‘Ça va. Ça va.’

‘Good.’ Jens hangs his jacket on the coat hanger and the two of them walk to the living room.

‘Zoë and Milan aren’t home, so we can sit here without being disturbed.’ Robbe explains as the two of them take a seat across from each other.

‘I’m glad that you decided to talk to me.’ Jens tells him.

‘Yeah, well, I figured you weren’t going to shut up about it. So I might as well just get it over with.’ Robbe says slightly jokingly.

‘I’m just worried about you.’ Jens tells him.

‘I know, I know.’ Robbe looks down at his fidgeting hands. He looks up and sees Jens staring at him, waiting for him to start talking. Then, he leans forward, resting his forearms on his lap. He look down and thinks about what he wants to say. He doesn’t know where to start, what words to use, or how to keep himself together. He takes a deep breath.

‘You were right.’ He breathes the words, keeping his head down. He waits for Jens to say anything, but he remains silent. Robbe looks up at Jens, who is just staring at him, waiting for him to elaborate. Robbe sighs.

‘It wasn’t just some fight.’ He says, now looking at Jens.

‘What happened, then?’ Jens wonders.

‘I was with Sander-‘ Robbe starts. ‘We were at a bar.’

‘Okay, and then?’

‘And then-‘ Robbe stammers. ‘I-, he-, we-‘ He loudly exhales, looking back down at his hands.

‘Take your time.’

‘We were on our first proper date. We were drinking quite a lot and just having a good time.’ Remembering that date, the joy, the laughter, Robbe can’t help but smile a little. At the time, that night was the happiest Robbe had been in a long time. Being with Sander, and not just being in his presence, but actually being with him. Being his boyfriend, being loved by him. But that joy that that night had given him, was taken away so quickly.

‘We went outside. We were kissing, just in our own little world, you know?’ With each word, the memories of that night become more vivid. With every word, he starts to stammer a little more. With each word his voice starts to break a little more.

‘We weren’t thinking. I wasn’t thinking. I was just so happy to finally be with someone-, someone I actually wanted to be with. I wasn’t thinking about-, about that there would be people who-‘

‘Who didn’t agree with your relationship?’ Jens finishes the sentence. Robbe nods, he feels tears welling in his eyes.

‘So there were the four men-‘

‘Four?’ Jens exclaims.

‘Yeah, and they, uhm-, they-‘ Robbe can’t bring himself to finish the sentence. He remembers the feeling of that night, the pain, the fear, but also the helplessness. Being beat up was horrible and painful, but the worst part was not being able to help Sander. He couldn’t help the first boy who he was truly starting to love, the boy about whom he cared so deeply, the boy who cared about him, too. Robbe feels his breathing becoming more elevated the more he sinks into his thoughts. The world starts to feel more distant, more out of his reach. He interlocks his hands, trying to recreate the feeling of holding Sander’s hand. He needs the safety of Sander’s touch, his touch can always keep him grounded, his voice always says the right thing to calm him down. He feels alone, even with Jens in the room. He feels alone because the person he really needs to hold right now, the person he really needs to talk to, isn’t here.

‘You don’t have to keep talking.’ Jens says, Robbe feels Jens’ hand on his leg. He tries to focus on Jens, he tries to focus on the hand that touching his leg, the tries to focus on what he knows is real, what he knows is happening right now. He takes a deep breath and holds it, in an effort to help is body and mind calm down. Jens stands up and sits next to Robbe, rubbing his back to comfort him.

‘I can’t even fucking say it.’ Robbe blurts through his sobs. He feels Jens pull him closer, wrapping his arms around him. At first, Robbe hesitates, but he finally gives in to the hug. He puts his arms around his best friend, and sobs into his sweater.

‘It’s okay.’ Jens comforts him. ‘It’s okay.’

TUESDAY JANUARY 28 17:51

Jens is sitting on a bench watching his friends attempt and fail horribly at doing tricks on their skateboards. He wishes he could join them but his leg is still sprained and the doctor told him it could take at least a month until it’s fully healed. He doesn’t even remember how he hurt his leg. Due to the adrenaline he didn’t feel any pain during the fight, but when he woke up the next morning he could barely stand. He doesn’t regret it, not for a second. It’s the least he could do for his best friend, especially now that Robbe told him everything. Well, not told, since he only managed to say a few words, but enough for Jens to understand what happened. He’s glad Robbe and Sander had people around to protect them this time. Jens hates the fact that Robbe didn’t feel like he could tell Jens about it sooner, but he doesn’t blame him since he was being an especially bad friend at the time when it happened. He can’t even imagine how lonely Robbe must have felt. There is a part of Jens that wants to do everything he can to find those men and beat the crap out of them, but the rest of him, the more rational part of him, knows the best thing he can do right now is be there for his friend.

‘Hey.’ Jens is started by a voice, he looks up and sees Robbe standing in front of him.

‘Already done?’ Jens asks him. Robbe shrugs and sits down on the bench next to him.

‘You looked a little lonely here, I thought I’d keep you company.’ He says.

‘Don’t stop because of me. I can entertain myself perfectly fine.’

‘Since it’s kind of my fault you can’t skateboard-‘

‘Robbe it’s not your fault.’ Jens cuts him off.

‘I know, it’s just, if it wasn’t for me-‘

‘I chose to join that fight all on my own. It was my decision, these are the consequences, end of discussion.’ Robbe dramatically sighs and annoyedly tilts his head. Jens playfully rubs Robbe’s head, Robbe pushes him and he just manages to keep himself from falling off the bench.

‘You should be glad I caught myself.’ Jens jokes. ‘Those injuries would have been your fault.’ The two of them laugh. In the corner of his eye, Jens spots a white-haired boy walking in their direction.

‘Hey, is that Sander?’ Jens asks as he points at the boy.

‘Yeah, we’re going on a date and I told him to pick me up here.’ Robbe explains.

‘Oh, so you’re already leaving me?’ Jens jokes. Robbe looks at Sander and then back at Jens.

‘Definitely.’ He states. They both laugh.

‘How’s it going?’ Sander says as he reached the bench.

‘Ça va.’ Jens replies as he greets him with a high-five.

‘Good.’ Robbe agrees, staying seated on the bench, not moving a muscle to greet his boyfriend. Jens knows that Robbe wants nothing more than to get up and kiss Sander, but fear is preventing him. Fear of a bunch of stupid assholes who decided that what two teenage boys were doing was their business.

‘So what’s the plan for your date?’ Jens asks, breaking the awkward silence.

‘Robbe has a surprise planned.’ Sander tells him.

‘Oh no, if I were you I’d run while you still can.’ Jens jokes, Robbe punches him in the arm.

‘It’s not much, I’m not very good at surprises.’ Robbe says.

‘You could take me to a garbage dump and I’d still love it.’ Sander assures him.

‘Oh, now you’ve given me an idea.’ Robbe laughs. Sander opens his mouth to reply but is cut off.

‘Sander! Fakka?’ A voice sounds, Sander turns around and is greeted my Moyo and Aaron.

‘Ça va, ça va’ He says.

‘What are you doing here?’ Moyo asks.

‘Robbe is taking me on a date.’ Sander tells him, a big smile on his face.

‘Speaking of.’ Robbe says as he stands up. ‘Let’s go. We still need to have dinner first.’

‘Wait!’ Aaron calls as they start to walk away. ‘Before you go I need to know if Sander can come on Friday.’

‘What’s on Friday?’ Sander asks, mostly directed at Robbe.

‘Amber is having a get-together at her place, she wants to know how many people will be coming.’ Robbe explains.

‘At Amber’s?’ Sander asks. The boys nod. ‘Sorry I can’t I still have quite a lot of work to catch up on.’

‘I thought you’d told me were already caught up?’ Robbe confusedly asks.

‘I was.’ Sander tells him. ‘But then I missed another week and now I have new stuff to catch up on.’ They stand there in silence for a few seconds.

‘Okay, we’re leaving.’ Sander announces. ‘It was good to see you guys.’ He walks off and Robbe follows him. Jens watches them as they walk away, constantly keeping a few centimeters of distance between them. He can barely believe he’s looking at the same couple that was all over each other in public just a few weeks ago. The couple who, even if they weren’t kissing, used to constantly touch each other in some way. The couple who used to rub their happiness in anybody and everybody’s faces.

‘What’s with them?’ Moyo asks.

‘Yeah, I got some weird vibes, too.’ Aaron adds. ‘Maybe they’ve been fighting?’

‘It’s probably just because of that fight.’ Jens tells them. ‘I think it shook them up quite a bit.’

‘Why?’ Aaron cluelessly asks. ‘We’re the ones who actually fought, they just ran off.’

‘Aaron.’ Moyo snaps.

‘What?’

If only you knew, Jens thinks to himself, if only you knew.

TUESDAY JANUARY 28 21:21

‘Where are we going?’ Sander demands. Robbe laughs at his boyfriend, who has been trying to persuade Robbe to tell him where they’re going for the full thirty minutes they’ve been cycling.

‘If I tell you it won’t be a surprise, will it?’ Robbe tells him.

‘I never said I wanted a surprise.’ Sander whines. ‘I’m not the kind of person to be surprised, I’d much rather be the one giving the surprises.’

‘Exactly.’ Robbe says. ‘You always give me surprises, now it’s time for me to give you a surprise back.’

‘Is the surprise that we’re going to The Netherlands?’ Sander jokes. ‘Because it feels like we’ve been cycling for ages now.’

‘We’re almost there.’ Robbe assures him.

‘Well, if we’re almost there, you might as well tell me.’ Sander tries. ‘I mean, I’m going to find out soon anyway then.’

‘I’m not telling you.’ Robbe sings.

‘Oh, come on.’

Robbe leads the way for a few minutes, until he finally stops in front of a house. He gets off his bike, leans it against the house and locks it. Sander does the same.

‘What are we doing here?’ Sander asks. Robbe pretends not to hear him and grabs his keychain out of his coat pocket, looking for the right key to open the door. When he finally manages to find it, he unlocks the door and pushes it open.

‘Come on.’ He says, grabbing Sander’s hand and dragging him inside.

‘This is my house.’ Robbe tells him after Sander closes the door behind himself. ‘Well, it’s going to be. After it’s finished.’ For now, the house is still pretty empty. The walls are only half-painted, the only furniture is a couple foldable chairs, a box that functions as a table and an old tv.

‘You wanted to show me your half-empty house?’ Sander giggles.

‘No. Well, sort of.’ Robbe stammers. ‘Come on.’ He grabs Sander’s hand and drags him up the stairs. He stops in front one of the doors. Then, he opens the door and flips the light switch.

‘Voilà.’ He exclaims as he turns towards Sander. Sander laughs. Robbe turns around to see what’s so funny, then he realizes that the room doesn’t have a lamp yet, so they’re staring at almost complete darkness, the moonlight isn’t bright enough to properly see anything. Robbe laughs along with Sander.

‘Well, it’s not much yet anyway.’ He murmurs as he grabs his phone out of his pocket and turns the flashlight on, which brightly illuminates the room. The only things in there right now are a bed, a couple of boxes of stuff Robbe never took to the flatshare with him, and a lot of paint cans and paint brushes in a variety of different colors.

‘This is my room.’ Robbe says.

‘Ah.’ Sander smirks. ‘So you wanted to show me your half-empty room.’ Robbe sighs and drags Sander into the room, shining the flashlight in front of them. He opens his mouth to talk but is interrupted by Sander.

‘What’s all that?’ He asks pointing at the boxes in the corner of the room.

‘It’s just some old stuff of mine.’ Robbe explains. Sander lets go of Robbe’s hand and walks toward the boxes.

‘Can I look through them?’ He asks.

‘Yeah, sure.’ Robbe replies, unsure of what his intentions are. Sander smiles broadly and opens the first box. He starts rummaging through it, while Robbe stands by and watches.

‘Ah!’ Sander exclaims after a short while as he takes an old disco lamp out of the box. ‘Now you won’t have to drain your phone battery with the flashlight.’ Robbe snorts.

‘You want to use an old disco lamp as light source?’ He giggles. Sander puts the lamp on the floor and plugs it into a socket.

‘I think it’ll create a great atmosphere.’ He says. ‘Don’t you?’ He flips the switch of the lamp and suddenly the entire room is filled with multi-colored disco lights. Robbe turns off the flashlight on his phone, allowing the lights to become more visible. He looks up and feels a smile appear on his face. He hadn’t thought about that lamp in years, he didn’t even know his mom still had it. It brings back so many memories of his youth. Memories of a much simpler time. A time when his family wasn’t broken. A time when they were all still happy together.

‘See?’ Sander says. ‘Atmosphere.’ He walks up to Robbe and takes the phone out of his hand. Robbe stares up into his beautiful eyes, the bad lighting of the disco lamp doesn’t do them justice.

‘And now you have both your hands free.’ Sander smiles at Robbe, and he gives him a small peck.

‘Oh, now I get it.’ Robbe giggles, grabbing his boyfriend’s face and kissing it. The kiss starts off very soft and tender, but the burning passion inside Robbe soon transfers into his lips, and his tongue. Sander’s mouth tastes delicious, like the pizza they just had. Robbe feels Sander’s hands under his shirt and he lets out a small whimper.

‘No, no, wait.’ He says, separating their lips. He looks up at Sander’s sad puppy eyes.

‘What?’ Sander says.

‘We’re here for a reason.’ Robbe replies.

‘I thought this was the reason.’

‘Well, yes. But there’s also another reason.’

‘What’s that?’ Robbe removes his hands from Sander’s body and turns to face one of the bedroom walls.

‘These walls are really white and really boring.’ He says. ‘So I want you to paint one of them.’ He looks at Sander and sees a broad smile appear on his face.

‘You want me to paint your wall?’ He beams.

‘Yeah, you can do anything you want with it.’

‘Anything?’ Sander raises his eyebrows and stands behind Robbe, hugging him from behind.

‘Well, as long as it’s not my face again.’ Robbe laughs.

‘Awh.’ Sander replies, Robbe looks up to see him pout dramatically.

‘But for the rest, go crazy. The paint is over there.’ He points at the paint cans and brushes in the corner of the room. Sander lets go of Robbe and happily walks over to the paint. Robbe sits down on the bed, lovingly staring at his overly excited boyfriend.

‘Wait!’ Sander suddenly exclaims. ‘I need music.’ He takes his phone out of his pocket and, very unsurprisingly, plays Space Oddity by David Bowie. He turns around to look at Robbe.

‘Now I can work.’ He smiles. Sander starts mumbling under his breath, probably thinking to himself what he is going to paint. Robbe just gets to watch as his beautiful boyfriend is smiling from ear to ear, completely in his element, occasionally singing along to the lyrics of the song. After a while, Sander starts painting the wall. Robbe has no idea what he’s doing, or what he’s planning, but he trusts Sander more than anything, and he knows he’ll create something beautiful. Robbe just wants to wake up every morning to see the wall that Sander pained, so that it can always feel like he’s waking up with him.

After a while, when Robbe has zoned out a little, he hears the song change to Heroes. He wonders if Sander even has any other artists on his playlist. The answer is probably no. He notices that Sander has stopped painting, and he sees him lay the brush in his hand down on the lid of one of the paint cans. Robbe sits up, wondering if something is wrong. Sander walks towards him and holds out his hand.

‘What are you doing?’ Robbe asks.

‘Come.’ Sander urges him. Robbe grabs his hand and he pulls him up off the bed.

‘What are you doing?’ Robbe asks, looking up at Sander, who grabs Robbe’s arms and puts them around his own neck, and then puts his own arms around Robbe’s waist.

‘Atmosphere, Robbe.’ Sander explains. ‘Atmosphere.’ Robbe feels Sander start swaying to the beat of the music, and he lightly sways along.

‘Sander, I can’t dance.’ He says, deeply staring into Sander’s eyes.

‘Do you think I do?’ Sander replies, resting his forehead on Robbe’s. ‘Just close your eyes and feel the music.’ Robbe does just that. He closes his eyes and sways along to the music. With every second he feels his worries disappear, and, just for a little while, it feels like him and Sander are the only people in the entire universe. Like they have reserved one of their universes just for themselves. The rest of the world may seem distant, but Robbe has never felt so grounded, he has never felt so alive. The feeling of Sander’s hands on his waist, the warm touch of his skin, and their faces so close together that they breathe the same air.

‘I love you.’ Robbe whispers, as if talking too loud would disrupt the moment.

‘I love you, too.’ Sander whispers back.

WEDNESDAY JANUARY 29 16:46

Sander is sitting in the cafeteria, doodling in his notebook and listening to David Bowie through his earphones. He’s completely immersed in his own world when he is startled by a figure standing beside him. He looks up from his drawing to see Laura.

‘Hey.’ He says, taking his earphones out of his ears. Laura takes a seat next to him and he turns his body to face her.

‘I figured you could use some company.’ She says. Sander smiles at her.

‘So.’ He starts. ‘How’s your day going?’

‘Terrible.’ Laura sighs. ‘I don’t know what it is but everything seems to be going wrong today.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, I put salt in my coffee this morning.’ She complains. ‘Salt.’

‘See, this is why it’s better to drink coffee black.’ He giggles.

‘This is why it’s better do drink coffee black.’ She mocks him.

‘What? It’s true.’ He laughs. She playfully pushes him.

‘Anyway.’ She sings. ‘Professor Verhoeven told me the painting I was almost done with was too boring and uninspired.’

‘The one with the birds?’

‘Yeah, the one with the birds.’

‘She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. That painting is beautiful.’ Sander exclaims. Laura blushes.

‘Thanks.’ She says. ‘But now I have to start over, which means I have to do basically the entire thing in my free time, as if I’m not already super busy. And, on top of that, I have absolutely no inspiration.’

‘But enough about me. How are you?’ She asks. Sander smiles at the memory of the previous night.

‘Good.’ He tells her. ‘I had a great time with Robbe yesterday.’

‘Ah. Yeah, I bet you did.’ Laura teases him. He annoyedly tilts his head.

‘What? I didn’t say anything.’ She jokes.

‘Yeah but I know what you’re thinking.’ He smiles. ‘We had a very nice night.’

‘I’m happy for you.’ She tells him. ‘Really. It’s good to see you smile.’ This causes Sander’s smile to broaden even more. But then he remembers what a bad friend he was to her the week before, and his smile drops.

‘I’m sorry about ghosting you last week.’ He tells her, looking down.

‘Don’t worry about that.’ She comforts him, he look up at her kind eyes. ‘I don’t care about that, I’ve told you this before.’

‘I know.’ He says. ‘It’s just that you’re always such a good friend and I shouldn’t have ghosted you like that.’

‘Look.’ She says, leaning forward so that they can properly look in each other’s eyes. ‘I still don’t really know what happened that night, or that weekend. But I do know that I trust you, and that you know I’m here for you if you ever feel like you’re ready to talk about it.’ Sander does want to tell Laura, he really does. But he knows that if he starts talking about what happened, he’ll probably have to explain everything to her, and he doesn’t know if he’s ready for that. The entire story is a lot more complex than she probably thinks, and he’s never actually told anyone the full story, not even Robbe.

Sander notices a red-haired girl and two boys walking in their direction.

‘Incoming.’ He jokes and Laura turns around to look at the rest of their friends nearing their table.

‘What’s up guys?’ Mirthe exclaims as the three of them sit down at the table.

‘You’re in a good mood.’ Laura comments.

‘Isn’t she always?’ Ruben mumbles.

‘I’m not always in a good mood.’ Mirthe claims. ‘Last week I was in a bad mood when I embarrassed myself trying to impress a girl.’

‘Oh, yeah.’ Iliass laughs. ‘You should have seen it, Sander. It was truly entertaining.’

‘For you, maybe. For me it was humiliating.’ Mirthe states. ‘But we’re not getting into that today because today I am having a great day and I will not have it ruined by stupid mistakes I made in the past.’

‘So how are you guys doing?’ Iliass asks Sander and Laura.

‘Well, this guy is doing pretty good.’ Laura replies, pointing at Sander. Who blushes as he playfully elbows her.

‘Everything’s going well with your boyfriend, then?’ Ruben asks. Sander smiles.

‘Judging from that expression it’s going better than well.’ Iliass teases as he points at Sander.

‘Yeah, it’s pretty great.’ He states.

THURSDAY JANUARY 30 21:27

Robbe is sitting at his desk, racking his brain over an equation he just can’t seem to figure out. After the fourth try he still doesn’t get the right answer. He kicks his desk in frustration, causing a book to fall off with a loud thud. He sighs and goes to pick it up off the floor when he hears the door to his room open.

‘Everything okay here?’ Zoë asks. Robbe turns his head to look at her.

‘Yeah, everything’s fine.’ Robbe replies as he grabs the book and throws it on his desk. ‘It’s just that my brain doesn’t fucking work anymore.’

‘Are you sure that’s all it is?’ Zoë says as she walks into the room.

‘Fuck, Zoë. This again?’ Robbe complains as he swivels his chair so that his whole body is now facing her.

‘Look.’ She starts. ‘I know that you don’t really want to talk about it-‘

‘Exactly.’ Robbe whines. ‘I don’t want to talk about it. So why do you and everyone else keep bothering me with it?’

‘Because I’m worried about you, Robbe. We all are.’

‘I’m fine, okay? I can take care of myself.’ Robbe claims. The truth is, he doesn’t know if he can. He tells himself that he can, because he has to. But, as much as he hates to admit it, he’s still just a kid.

‘Really? Because the last time you acted like this you definitely weren’t fine.’ She states. ‘I care about you, Robbe. You don’t have to talk to me, but at least talk to someone.’ Robbe sighs deeply.

‘I’m trying to do my homework. Can’t you just leave me the fuck alone.’ As the words leave his lips, he realizes that they were a little too harsh. Zoë apologetically raises her arms and leaves the room. Robbe thinks for a second, and then decides to yell:

‘Zoë!’

‘What?’ She walks back through the door frame.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘I know.’ She kindly replies, smiling at him. She starts to head off again but Robbe stops her.

‘Zoë can I ask you something?’ He asks.

‘Yeah, of course.’ She walks into the room and sits down on the bed, across from Robbe. He takes a deep breath.

‘Did you feel better?’ He asks. ‘After you went to the police about Viktor?’ The fight from two weeks ago, and everything that happened because of it, has really made Robbe wonder if not going to the police after the attack was the right choice.

‘Yes and no.’ Zoë tells him. ‘On one hand, I felt a sense of safety and relief, knowing I didn’t just leave it be and let him get away with it. On the other hand, it doesn’t change the fact that it happened. I still have to wake up with that memory ever morning, that doesn’t just go away because you went to the police.’

‘So it didn’t actually help you move on?’

‘You don’t ever really move on from something like that, it always stays with you.’ Zoë explains. ‘The only thing you can do is learn to live with it.’ Robbe wonders how on earth he is ever going to learn to live with something like that.

‘How do you do that, then?’ He decides to ask.

‘By asking for help when you need it, by having friends that support you, by not letting what happened control your life.’ She calmly says. ‘I know that I will always have bad days, but I also know that I will have plenty of good days in return.’

‘So would you advise someone to go to the police, even if there’s a large chance that the police can’t really do anything?’

‘I don’t really know a lot about your specific situation, and I have a feeling there are parts to it that you’re not telling me, which is fine, that’s your decision. But, I can tell you that I don’t regret going to the police. At all. It was the first step towards not letting it control my life, but instead me controlling it.’ Robbe lets everything Zoë just told him sink in for a second. The two of them sit in silence for a few seconds.

‘Okay.’ He says after a while.

‘Well, I’m going to leave you to your homework.’ Zoë says as she gets up. ‘Take care of yourself, okay? And if you’re ever ready to talk I’m here.’

‘Merci, Zoë.’ Robbe says as she walks towards the door. She turns around and smiles at him, then leaves the room.

FRIDAY JANUARY 31 22:14

Robbe is sitting on the couch in Amber’s living room, watching as his friends are dancing awkwardly, actively avoiding looking at Amber and Aaron’s excessive make out session, while he drinks a beer and holds a conversation with Jana.

‘So he’s doing good?’ She yells to be understandable over the loud music. She’s referring to Sander, whom she has grown a lot closer with since they had their heart-to-heart.

‘Yeah, he’s alright.’ Robbe replies. ‘He’s just a little busy catching up with all his school work right now.’ Jana understandingly nods her head.

‘What about you?’

‘Yeah I’m doing great.’ It’s not one hundred percent true, but he’s really not in the mood of talking about his problems right now.

‘Zoë told me you’ll be moving out of the flatshare soon.’ Jana states.

‘Yeah, as soon as my mom’s new house is finished.’ Robbe smiles at the thought of moving back with his mom. As much as he loves Zoë and Milan, he really misses living with his mother.

‘That’s great!’ Jana smiles back. ‘I’m glad she’s doing better.’ Robbe nods in agreement. A silence falls while the both of them think of what to say next.

‘Oh my God, look at this!’ Zoë suddenly exclaims from across the room. ‘It’s Amber when she was young!’ She’s holding a picture frame with a photo of two young girls.

‘So adorable.’ Jens comments.

‘Let me see!’ Jana demands, gesturing for Zoë to hand her the picture. Zoë walks over to and hands Jana the picture. At first, Robbe doesn’t really care about the picture, but after a while he gets really curious looks at the picture over Jana’s shoulder. The two girls in the picture are roughly the same age, probably around five. The blonde girl on the left is obviously Amber, but Robbe’s eyes immediately go the brown-haired girl on the right. For some reason, she looks familiar to him.

‘Wait that girl-‘ He mumbles under his breath.

‘What?’ Jana yells at him.

‘That girl next to Amber.’ Robbe yells this time, pointing at the picture. ‘She looks familiar to me.’

‘Maybe you know her from somewhere.’ Jana suggests. Robbe racks his brain, trying to think of what he might know the girl from. Jana yells for Amber, who has to stop making out with Aaron to reply.

‘What?’ She yells back.

‘Who is this girl?’ Jana asks her, holding up the picture. Amber leaves Aaron and walks over to the couch. She stares at the girl in the photo.

‘Just an old friend of mine from primary school.’ She says. ‘Why?’

‘She looks familiar to me.’ Robbe explains. ‘Do I know her?’

‘I doubt it, that photo is from when I lived in Ghent.’ Amber tells him. ‘And, as far as I know, she’s never even been to Antwerp.’

‘Oh, okay.’ Robbe doesn’t understand why the girl looks so familiar then.

‘She looks like basically every young brown-haired girl ever.’ Jana states. ‘Maybe she just looks like someone you know.’

‘Yeah, maybe.’ He agrees. Jana gives Amber the picture and gets up off the couch.

‘Now, let’s go dance.’ She suggests.

‘No.’ Robbe whines. ‘I’m not in the mood.’

‘I don’t care.’ Jana starts pulling at his arm, trying to get him off the couch. ‘You are going to dance.’ Robbe sighs and stands up. It may seem to Jana like he’s just being a bit annoying and stubborn, but he really doesn’t want to dance. To be fair, he doesn’t even want to be there, but he figured that if he stayed away his friends would start asking even more questions than they already do, and he really doesn’t want that. So now he’s at Amber’s house, pretending to have a good time. He was enjoying sitting on the couch and not really having to be too present in the crowd, but it appears that now he doesn’t have that option anymore. He gets dragged to the middle of the dancefloor. His friends are talking and chanting, but for some reason his mind can’t focus on anything they’re saying. He’s never felt like this at a party before. He loves partying. He’s been to so many of them and never had a problem, but now he an overwhelmingly strong urge to leave. He forces himself to stay, to keep dancing, to pretend that every cell in his body is telling him he doesn’t want to be there. In the loud music, flashing lights and dancing people he looks for Sander, his anchor. Then he remembers that Sander isn’t there, and he suddenly feels very alone. Everything feels very overwhelming and he suddenly can’t breathe. He looks around in panic, disoriented by everything happening around him. He needs to go outside. He needs some place he can breathe. He stumbles away from the group and looks around for a door. After a while, he manages to enter the hallway. He closes the door behind himself, which slightly drowns out the music, but it still isn’t enough. He walks to the front door and opens it, the cold air from outside instantly makes him feel a lot better. He takes a deep breath and holds it, trying to slow down his heart rate. He looks around, trying his best to register what is happening around him right now. Trying his best to find something to anchor him to the world. He leans against the wall and runs his hands through his hair, unsure of what is happening, and terrified of the fact that it’s been happening more and more frequently, and he can’t seem to control it.


	5. 'Can I ask you a question?'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 of my daily wtfock fanfic.  
> Want to follow the updates everyday? Follow me on Tumblr: @wtfanfics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a bad pat few days but I want to thank everyone for being so kind and supportive.  
> I love you all so much!

SATURDAY FEBRUARY 23:19

Sander is strolling around Antwerp with his wonderful boyfriend. Late night walks is now a thing they do apparently. Sander is no stranger to walks at strange hours, he’s been on plenty before, but it feels different now that Robbe is with him. He always goes on walks because he wants to get away from everyone and everything when it all gets a little too much, but for some reason Robbe doesn’t fall under everyone and everything. Now he feels lonely when he goes on walks alone, when a few month ago he would have hated the thought of someone joining him on his walks. Most of the time they just walk aimlessly in random circles until they decide it’s getting too late or too cold and go home. Sander really enjoys Robbe’s company. He enjoys the pointless banter about their annoying friends, he enjoys staring at Robbe’s face when he talks about something he’s really passionate about. The only bad thing about their walks is the lingering fear. The two of them have never even talked about that fear, but Sander knows Robbe feels it, too. They always leave a couple of centimeters between them when they walk together, maybe even too many. The only time they touch each other is when they are one hundred percent certain that they’re alone, and even then it’s restricted to cautious handholding.

‘How was the party yesterday?’ Sander asks Robbe.

‘It was fun.’ He replies. ‘I missed you though.’ He looks up at Sander with sad puppy eyes, which causes Sander to chuckle.

‘I’m sorry for abandoning you in favor of my education.’ He jokingly replies, dramatically pouting at Robbe, who playfully pushes him.

‘You better come with next time.’ Robbe demands. 

‘If I have time I will.’ He tells Robbe with a chuckle, who adorably smiles at him. Sander is too busy staring at Robbe, which causes him to walk into a pole. Robbe bursts out laughing.

‘That was one hundred percent your fault.’ Sander claims.

‘How was it my fault?’ Robbe asks.

‘Your beautiful smile blinded me.’ Sander sees Robbe look down and blush, then look back up at him with mild annoyance in his eyes. At moments like these, Sander wants nothing more than to kiss Robbe. To grab his beautiful face and plant a kiss on his wonderful smiley lips.

‘I talked to my mom, by the way.’ Robbe says after a short while of silence.

‘What about?’ Sander asks him.

‘About you meeting her.’ Robbe explains. ‘She said you’re welcome for dinner anytime.’ Sander feels a large smile appear on his face. He has been aching to meet Robbe’s mom for weeks now. He wants to hear all the embarrassing stories from his childhood and see all the undoubtedly adorable baby photos. Sander had demanded Robbe show some when they were at his mother’s new house on Tuesday but Robbe claimed that he didn’t have any.

‘Really?’ Sander excitedly asks.

‘Yeah. So do you want to stop by sometime this week?’

‘Definitely.’

The two of them turn around the corner, now walking onto Robbe’s street.

‘Do you want to keep walking or go back to the flatshare?’ Robbe asks. Sander thinks about it for a while, but the thought of being inside and being able to kiss and touch Robbe as much as he wants is very tempting, so he knows the answer relatively quickly.

‘Let’s go home.’ He states.

The two of them enter the flat and start talking of their shoes and coat when Milan comes walking towards them.

‘Jens was just here asking for you.’ He says.

‘Why?’ Robbe asks, visibly confused.

‘He said you weren’t replying to his texts. He was worried because of something that happened last night.’ Milan explains. This sparks concern in Sander.

‘What happened last night?’ He asks Robbe. ‘I thought you said everything was fine.’ Robbe sighs deeply.

‘Jens is just being overdramatic.’ He claims as he starts dragging Sander towards his room and away from Milan.

‘But Robbe-‘ Milan starts.

‘Leave it, Milan!’ Robbe yells as the two of them enter his room. Sander closes the door behind himself.

‘What was that about?’ He asks, concerned.

‘It’s nothing, okay?’ Robbe tells him as he plants himself on his bed. ‘I just went outside for a few minutes when I wasn’t feeling well. Jens is exaggerating.’

‘You weren’t feeling well?’ Sander asks as he sits down next to Robbe.

‘It was just getting a little warm inside.’ Robbe explains. ‘So I went to get some fresh air.’ Sander comfortingly puts a hand on Robbe’s leg and looks him in the eyes.

‘Are you sure it’s alright?’ He calmly asks.

‘Yeah. Jens has been like this for the past few weeks.’ Robbe tells him.

‘He’s just being a good friend.’ Sander knows really well what it’s like to have nosy friends, he has plenty of them himself.

‘I know.’

‘So everything is good?’

‘It’s great.’ Robbe then puts an arm around Sander’s and kisses him. Within seconds Sander forgets what they were even talking about, completely mesmerized by his love for Robbe, and the joy of kissing his warm lips.

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 2 13:37

Robbe and Sander are kissing in the hallway. Robbe breaks the kiss apart, keeping his arms around Sander’s neck. Their foreheads are touching each other and they are looking deeply into each other’s eyes.

‘I’m sorry.’ Sander says. ‘I have to go.’

‘No you don’t.’ Robbe tries.

‘I have school work to do, and so do you.’ Sander tells him. Robbe knows he has a point.

‘We can do school work together.’ Robbe pouts. Sander slightly distances himself from Robbe so that they can look at each other properly.

‘You and I both know we won’t get anything done.’ Sander argues.

‘Fine.’ Robbe sighs.

‘You guys are acting like one of you is going off to war or something.’ Milan’s voice sounds from the hallway. Apparently he has been lurking. ‘You’re going to see each other tomorrow.’

‘Do you hear something?’ Robbe jokes, deliberately not looking at Milan.

‘No. Do you?’ Sander giggles.

‘Nope.’ Sander grabs Robbe’s face and kisses him one more time.

‘I’m going to go now.’ He says as he distances himself from Robbe and opens the door.

‘Bye.’ Robbe says.

‘Bye. Love you.’

‘Love you, too.’ The door closes and Robbe looks at Milan, who is still standing in the hallway. Robbe notices him dramatically roll his eyes back.

‘What?’ Robbe demands.

‘Nothing.’ Milan claims. Robbe knows that it’s obviously not nothing.

‘No, tell me. What is it?’ Robbe approaches him. ‘Are we not allowed to be happy?’

‘That’s not it and you know it.’ Milan tells him. Robbe sighs, knowing what direction this conversation is going to go. Nobody can ever just leave him and Sander be.

‘What is it, then?’

‘You’re not going to get all angry and defensive about it?’ Milan raises his eyebrows.

‘No. I won’t.’ Robbe knows that’s not true, but he wants to hear what Milan has to say.

‘Okay. I’m just worried about your relationship with Sander.’ This catches Robbe off-guard. He gets nagged by his friends all the time, but it’s usually just about him and his recent behavior, but never about his relationship.

‘What do you mean?’ He wonders.

‘Come on. You know what I mean.’ Milan claims. Robbe really doesn’t, or maybe he just convinces himself that he doesn’t.

‘Our conversation yesterday evening.’ Milan explains. ‘You dragging Sander away very quickly.’

‘I told you.’ Robbe sighs. ‘What happened on Friday was nothing, Jens was just being an overly concerned friend.’

‘It didn’t sound like nothing to me.’

‘Jens told you what happened.’ Robbe rolls his eyes, he really can’t trust any of his friends anymore.

‘Yes. Because we’re worried about you.’

‘Everyone keeps saying that.’ Robbe starts slightly raising his voice.

‘Because it’s true.’

‘Well, I don’t need you to be.’ Robbe starts walking to his room and away from his conversation

‘And you’re clearly lying to Sander, too.’ Milan says, this causes Robbe to stop in his tracks and turn around to face Milan.

‘Yeah, because he’s got enough shit to worry about.’ He defends.

‘That’s not a healthy relationship, Robbe.’ Milan claims. ‘You need to communicate.’

‘We talk plenty.’

‘Not talk, Robbe. Communicate.’ Robbe doesn’t reply, he just stands in silence, thinking.

‘I mean you’ve been together for quite a while now.’ Milan tells him. ‘And you still haven’t talked about going to the police about-‘

‘Sander doesn’t want to go, so we’re not going.’ Robbe cuts him off. ‘End of discussion.’

‘But you want to go, don’t you?’

‘That’s not important. I don’t want to go to the police without him, he doesn’t want to go, so I’m not going.’

‘Do you even know why he doesn’t want to go?’ Milan asks. Robbe opens his mouth to respond to the question when he realizes that he does, in fact, not know.

‘Does it matter?’ He defensively, also partially trying to convince himself. Sander doesn’t have to tell him everything. He should be allowed to have secrets, they both should.

‘Yes. Because it means he’s not being honest with you. It means you’re not communicating.’ Milan snaps back at him.

‘I don’t want to have this conversation right now.’ Robbe storms off again, this time determined not to be kept from doing so.

‘That’s the problem. You never do.’ Milan yells after him. ‘Here you go avoiding communication again.’

‘Bye, Milan!’ Robbe yells back. He closes the bedroom door behind him and lets himself fall on the bed. He keeps telling himself that Milan is just exaggerating, that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. But deep down Robbe knows he does have a point.

MONDAY FEBRUARY 3 22:32

Robbe is sitting on his bed, blankly staring at the wall in front of him. He’s all alone. He craves the warmth and comfort of Sander’s arms. Sometimes it scares him how much he misses Sander when he’s not around. They see each other almost every day, but every minute they’re apart Robbe wants nothing more than to be with Sander again. With Sander, Robbe feels loved in a way he’s never felt loved before. He feels comfortable and safe.

Robbe slides off his bed and walks over to his desk to grab his laptop, when he sees a stack of Sander’s paintings lying on the corner of the desk. Robbe initially intended to hang them up, but he figures he might as well wait until he moves into his mother’s new house and hang them up there. He grabs the stack of paintings to look through them, to feel closer to Sander in some way. Sander is such a talented artist and Robbe loves admiring his work. Robbe knows nothing about art, but he admires each brush stroke on every painting. Some paintings are darker than others, Robbe has noticed that the color of Sander’s art reflects the mood he’s in.

After a while, he comes across a painting of a young girl with brown hair. Suddenly, he realizes it’s the girl from Amber’s picture, this painting is where he’d seen her before. It has to be her, she has the same brown hair and green eyes and the same dimples on her puffy cheeks. That means Sander knows this girl. Wouldn’t Amber tell Robbe that when he asked her about the girl in the photo? Didn’t that girl live in Ghent and didn’t Amber say that she’s never even been in Antwerp?

Robbe grabs the painting and walks over to Zoë’s room, he leans against the doorframe.

‘Hey, Zoë.’ He says. Zoë looks up from her laptop.

‘What’s up?’ She says.

‘Did Amber know Sander before he was Britt’s boyfriend?’ Robbe asks.

‘No, not as far as I know.’ She says as she shakes her head. ‘Why?’

‘Do you remember that picture of Amber from the party?’ Robbe asks.

‘Yeah.’ She looks puzzled.

‘There was another girl in that picture and I was sure I’d seen her somewhere.’ Robbe approaches her bed. ‘Now I know where.’ He sits down next to her and hands her the painting. Zoë inspects the painting, and then looks back at Robbe.

‘It’s a painting Sander made.’ He explains. ‘It looks like the same girl.’

‘She does look very similar.’ She says as she stares at the painting. ‘Did Sander tell you who she is?’

‘He said she’s a family friend.’ Robbe replies.

‘So maybe they know the same person.’ Zoë hands the painting back. ‘That’s possible.’

‘But I told Amber the girl looked familiar, and she told me there’s no way I could know her.’ Robbe defends. ‘If she knew Sander knows her wouldn’t she have told me?’

‘Maybe Amber doesn’t know Sander knows her.’ Zoë suggests. ‘Or maybe it’s not even the same girl, there are plenty of young girls with brown hair. Besides, wouldn’t that girl be like sixteen now? And didn’t Sander make this painting recently? Why would Sander paint her as a five-year-old?’

‘You’re probably right.’ Robbe admits. ‘I’m probably just overanalyzing.’

‘And you could always just ask Sander.’ Zoë suggests.

‘I guess so.’ He stands up from the bed. ‘Merci.’ 

‘Robbe?’ Zoë’s voice makes him stop in his tracks. He turns around to look at her.

‘Yeah?’

‘You should go to the police.’ She says.

‘What?’ He asks.

‘That conversation we had last week. I don’t know exactly what’s going on but I really think you should go to the police. I think it could really help you.’

‘Yeah? Well, Sander doesn’t want to go so-‘

‘I was hesitant to go, too. But I’m really glad I made the choice to go anyway. Maybe if you can talk to him you can change his mind.’

‘You’re the second person that’s telling me to talk to him.’

‘That probably means it’s a good idea.’

‘But I don’t want to scare him away or overstep any boundaries.’

‘I’m not telling you to force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do, but talking to him and understanding why he doesn’t want to go can’t hurt.’

‘I’ll think about it.’ He smiles at her, and she smiles back. ‘Thanks. Again.’

Robbe leaves her room for a second time, this time he isn’t called back by her. He knows that she’s right, that he should talk to Sander. It’s been quite a while since he’s brought it up, maybe Sander has already changed his mind, or maybe now that it’s longer ago he’s at least ready to talk about it. He just wants to talk about it. He just wants to understand. Maybe from there they can look further.

TUESDAY FEBRUARY 4 21:46

Sander doesn’t like saying no to invitations. Even though he knows most people will understand when he doesn’t come to things, declining invitations always makes him feel guilty. This is why he is currently sitting in Iliass’ basement with his friends, when he knows he isn’t really ready for it. He’s pretending to feel better, and does his best to smile the whole time so that his friends thing he’s having a good time, when the only thing he really wants is for it to be an acceptable time for him to leave without raising too much suspicion. He’s just barely managed to convince his friends to get off his back about the night outside the bar and what happened the weekend after that, and he really doesn’t want them to start worrying about him again. He tries his best to focus on his friends and what they’re talking about, occasionally joining in the conversation, but most of the time he’s too occupied with his own thoughts to really process what they’re saying.

‘Sander!’ Mirthe yells. He awakens from his thoughts.

‘Sorry.’ He mumbles. ‘What is it?’

‘Do you have any plans this week?’ Iliass asks.

‘Uhm-‘ He stammers, trying to get his brain to work. ‘I’m pretty sure I’m meeting Robbe’s mom on Thursday.’

‘That’s great!’ Laura exclaims.

‘I don’t know.’ Sander states as he looks down at the floor.

‘Why not?’ Laura asks.

‘I’m just anxious about it. What if she doesn’t like me?’ Sander has been begging to meet Robbe’s mom for weeks, but now that it’s getting closer he’s really starting to get nervous, and he doesn’t even know why. If she raised a person as amazing as Robbe, she could never be that bad.

‘I doubt that she won’t like you.’ Mirthe assures him.

‘Yeah, you’re a very likeable person.’ Ruben adds.

‘To you, maybe.’ Sander replies.

‘You make her son happy.’ Iliass says. ‘That has to count for something, right?’

‘I hope so.’ Sander mumbles.

‘If you’re not ready you could always tell Robbe.’ Laura suggests.

‘I’m the one who’s been begging to meet his mother.’ He tells her.

‘I’m sure he’d understand.’ She says.

‘I know he would.’ He states. ‘But I really want to meet her. I’m probably just overthinking it anyway.’

The others continue their conversation, but Sander feels that he’s losing focus again, drifting off into his thoughts. Robbe said that his mother had been very supportive of him coming out. But will that still be the case when he comes home with a boyfriend? Maybe she’s fine with him being a boy, but she just doesn’t like Sander. Maybe she’ll think that he’s too much of a burden on his son, maybe she thinks he prevents Robbe from spending time with her. Maybe she thinks Sander isn’t good enough for Robbe. Maybe she thinks Robbe doesn’t deserve to have another broken person in his life. He should talk to Robbe about this. He’ll understand. But what if he doesn’t? What if he’s offended that Sander is so anxious to meet his mom, when he met Sander’s mom weeks ago? No. Robbe isn’t like that. Robbe would understand. Maybe that’s the problem. Robbe understands him so well, he always knows what to say and do to make Sander feel better. He’s probably so exhausted of having to listen to Sander’s problems all the time. He should be able to have one nice dinner with his mother, Sander owes him that much. He wonders how someone like him ever ended up with someone like Robbe IJzermans. Someone as sweet and gentle, but also as passionate as Robbe, could do so much better than someone as toxic and broken as Sander.

WEDNESDAY FEBRAUARY 5 17:23

Robbe is peacefully lying in his boyfriends arms. His eyes are closed and he feels Sander lightly caress his hair, the touch of Sander’s fingertips on his scalp brings him such serenity. There is nothing like being with Sander, touching him, feeling him. Their breathing in sync, as if they are one singular being. As if they were always meant to lie together. Robbe looks up at Sander, who is looking down at him and smiling broadly. He pushes himself off Sander’s chest and gives him a small peck.

‘So I talked to my mom about dinner tomorrow.’ Robbe says. ‘And she said we’re welcome at seven-thirty.’

‘Perfect.’ Sander replies. ‘Can’t wait.’

‘I can always tell her to book a restaurant if you prefer that.’ Robbe tells him. ‘I know we decided on dinner at the house but there isn’t even any proper furniture-‘

‘Like I’ve said before.’ Sander cuts him off. ‘I’m fine with eating at the house.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Furniture is overrated anyway. You’re all I need.’ Robbe smiles and gives Sander a small kiss. Then, as he’s moving away, Sander grabs his face and kisses him more passionately this time. Their tongues meet in the middle. Robbe melts into Sander’s warm lips, completely unaware of the rest of the world. As if they’re in their own little universe. He is quickly reminded of the fact that that is not the case when Sander’s mom knocks on the bedroom door.

‘Sander?’ She says. Sander distances his lips from Robbe’s.

‘What?’ He whines. The door creaks open and the two boys look at Sander’s mother standing in the doorway.

‘Sorry for interrupting.’ She says with a slight giggle. ‘I’m going to the store. Do you need anything?’

‘No, mom. I don’t.’ Sander whines.

‘Are you sure?’ She asks.

‘Yes. I’m sure mom.’ Sander says annoyedly. ‘Can you leave us alone now?’

‘Alright.’ She sings as she closes the bedroom door. Robbe looks at Sander, who looks back at him, and the two of them burst out laughing.

‘I’m so sorry.’ Sander blushes.

‘Don’t worry about it.’ Robbe giggles. Sander flips him onto the bed. He rolls over to the other side and reaches for a sketchbook that’s lying on the bedside table.

‘No. Don’t look at those.’ Sander jokingly exclaims as he tries to grab the sketchbook out of Robbe’s hands.

‘Why? I love looking at your drawings.’ Robbe says as he holds the sketchbook out of Sander’s reach.

‘I only use that sketchbook when I can’t sleep at night.’ Sander explains. ‘Those drawings are terrible.’ Robbe looks at him with an annoyed face. He knows that when Sander says drawings are ‘terrible’ they are actually masterpieces. Sander finally decides to give up on trying to snatch the book away from Robbe and allows him to look through it. A lot of the drawings are of Robbe, unsurprisingly. He suddenly comes across a drawing of the young girl from Amber’s photo and Sander’s painting. The drawing doesn’t have any color but Robbe can see that it’s definitely her. He flips through the drawings some more and he notices that the girl reoccurs every so often. He also notices a boy appear frequently, he’s older than the girl, maybe eleven or twelve. Robbe realizes this is a perfect excuse to ask about the girl without sounding like he doesn’t trust Sander.

‘Sander?’ He says. Sander looks over at him.

‘Yeah?’ He says.

‘Who is this girl?’ Robbe points at one of the drawings of the girl. ‘You draw her a lot.’

‘She’s my cousin.’ Sander replies.

‘Your cousin?’

‘Yeah. That boy is her brother.’ He points at a drawing of the reoccurring boy. Robbe nods and continues to flip through the pages, pretending everything is fine. But he can’t help but wonder why Sander told him the girl was a family friend, but now he says she’s his cousin. Why would he lie about something so seemingly insignificant. Maybe Robbe is just overthinking again. Maybe Sander misspoke the first time. He shouldn’t immediately assume that Sander is lying to him, right? There’s probably a logical explanation, right?

THURSDAY FEBRUARY 6 19:32

Sander knows that he doesn’t have anything to fear. Robbe has told him so many times that his mother will love him, but that doesn’t stop him from feeling anxious. He holds onto his boyfriend’s hand a little more tightly than usual.

‘It’ll be fine.’ Robbe assures him. ‘You don’t have anything to worry about.’ He stands on his toes and gives Sander a kiss, which immediately helps calm him down a little.

‘I know.’ Sander replies. Robbe grabs the key out of his pocket and unlocks the door. Robbe steps inside first, Sander follows shortly after, still holding onto his hand. The two of them walk through the hallway and into the living room.

‘Mom?’ Robbe calls out.

‘Oh, you’re already here.’ A voice sounds from the kitchen. A woman comes walking into the living room. She’s shorter than Robbe, and very slim. A broad smile appears on her face as soon as she sees her son. Sander knows that smile all too well, it’s the same as Robbe’s.

‘You said seven-thirty, right?’ Robbe says, looking at his watch.

‘Yes, but I didn’t expect you to be on time.’ The woman says. Her glance moves from Robbe’s face to Sander’s, allowing him to study her face some more. Her eyes are ocean-blue. Robbe must have his father’s eyes. Other than that, her face looks very similar to Robbe’s. Her eyes may not look the same as Robbe’s, but they have the same sparkle.

‘You must be Sander.’ She kindly says.

‘Yes I am.’ Sander replies, letting go of Robbe’s hand to shake hers. ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you, madam.’

‘No need to call me madam.’ She says. ‘You can call me Irene.’

‘Okay, well it’s a pleasure to meet you Irene.’ Sander emphasizes her name.

‘Robbe has told me so much about you.’ She says. Sander looks over at a blushing Robbe.

‘Really?’ Sander teases.

‘Not that much-‘ Robbe starts.

‘He talks about you all the time.’ Irene claims. ‘He never shuts up about you, actually.’

‘Mom.’ Robbe whines. Sander laughs.

‘Well, Robbe has told me a lot about you, too.’ He says. ‘But no words could have prepared me for the real thing. You’re a very beautiful woman. You don’t look a day over thirty.’

‘Thank you, Sander.’ She replies. ‘He’s a keeper.’ She pretends to whisper to Robbe, which causes Sander to chuckle. She walks back into the kitchen.

‘Dinner should be ready in five minutes.’ She yells. Sander looks at Robbe, who dramatically rolls his eyes.

‘What?’ Sander teases. ‘Are you jealous of me complimenting your mother?’ Robbe snorts and playfully pushes him.

‘Mom?’ Robbe calls as he looks around.

‘What?’ Irene yells. Robbe walks to the kitchen to be able to converse with her properly, and Sander follows.

‘Where are we going to sit?’ Robbe asks. ‘There’s no way we can eat over there with the three of us.’ He points at the two foldable chairs around a box in the living room.

‘There should be another chair in the garage.’ Irene tells him. ‘You can go get it.’

‘Alright.’ Robbe replies.

‘I’ll go with you.’ Sander suggests as the two of them start walking away.

‘I think Robbe can manage carrying one chair by himself.’ Irene states. Sander stops in his tracks and looks at Robbe, who shrugs and walks off on his own.

‘Come here, Sander.’ Irene turns around and gestures for Sander to approach her. He hesitantly walks towards her. ‘There’s no need to be afraid of me.’

‘Look-‘ Sander starts, preparing to defend himself and Robbe from anything negative she is about to say.

‘No.’ She cuts him off. ‘Listen to me for a second.’ Sander politely nods, he feel his palms starting to sweat.

‘I’m going to be completely honest with you.’ She says. ‘Of course I was a little shocked when Robbe told me he was dating a boy, and as a mother I was worried about his wellbeing.’ Sander holds his breath in preparation for the next words that will come out of her mouth.

‘But the way he smiles when he talks about you.’ She continues. ‘The way he looks when he’s with you. I haven’t seen Robbe so genuinely happy in a long time.’ Sander smiles in relief, his body immediately becoming less tense.

‘I love my son more than anything, you see?’ She reaches up and cradles Sander’s face, in a way Robbe always does. She has the same soft hands, and it brings Sander a similar sense of comfort. ‘Anyone who makes him as happy as you do, I will welcome with open arms.’ She lets go of Sander’s face.

‘Well that’s already one thing we have in common.’ He states. ‘I love your son more than anything, too.’ A broad smile appears on her face, and she grabs Sander’s hand.

‘Thank you for loving my son in a way he needs and deserves.’ She says.

‘Something tells me you two are going to get along just fine.’ Robbe’s voice sounds, he’s standing in the doorway. Sander turns around to look at him.

‘Oh no.’ Sander says to Irene. ‘He might start to think I’ve taken his place as your favorite son.’ She laughs.

‘Well what are you standing around for?’ She jokingly yells. ‘Set the table, will you?’ She points at the cupboard containing the plates. Sander opens the cupboard and grabs three plates. As he sets them down on the makeshift table, a broad smile appears on his face. Maybe Robbe was right, maybe he really doesn’t have anything to worry about.

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 7 22:03

Robbe and Sander are lying on Robbe’s bed, each of them with their head in the elbow crease of the other. Robbe is playing with Sander’s fluffy hair. The two of them are staring at the ceiling, living in their own little world.

‘So my mom said she really liked you.’ Robbe says after a while of silence, turning his head to look at Sander and moving his hand to trace Sander’s face.

‘Really?’ Sander moves his head, too, so that the two of them can stare into each other’s eyes. ‘Do I have her seal of approval?’

‘Oh, definitely.’ Robbe assures him. ‘She already asked me when I’m bringing you around again.’

‘Maybe when she has a proper table?’ Sander laughs.

‘Yeah, maybe that’d be better.’ Robbe moves his head towards Sander’s and plants a kiss on his soft lips.

‘I’m going to miss being alone.’ He says after their lips break apart again. ‘With no parents around. As soon as I move in with my mom we won’t get quiet times like these anymore.’ As if on cue, Milan can be heard swearing at a video game, followed by Zoë laughing hysterically.

‘What quiet times?’ Sander laughs. ‘With Milan and Zoë down the hall, basically acting like our parents anyway?’

‘Yeah, you’re right.’

‘We could move into my studio at school together.’ Sander suggests. ‘Then we’ll always be alone.’

‘Yeah with a bunch of students and teachers around us all the time.’

‘That’s a dumb idea. You’re right.’ Robbe turns his head to look at the ceiling again, still subconsciously playing with Sander’s hair. He sinks deeply into his thoughts, wondering what their lives would be like if they really did move in together. They probably shouldn’t move in together anytime soon, though. It didn’t really end well for Zoë and Senne, and Robbe loves Sander way too much to risk breaking up like they did. Besides, they’ve only been together for a few months, they barely know each other. They still have so much to learn about each other. So much to talk about. Like the attack, and going to the police. So many people have been urging Robbe to talk to Sander about that. Maybe he should just do it, and get it over with.

‘Hey, Sander.’ Robbe says.

‘Yeah?’ Sander sounds sleepy.

‘Can I ask you a question?’ Robbe asks. He figures that it’s a weird thing to ask, but it would feel weird to just bring it up randomly. Sander looks him in the eyes.

‘You always can, you know that.’ He says softly.

‘I know. It’s just-‘ Robbe mumbles. ‘this is kind of a sensitive subject.’ This clearly sparks something in Sander, causing him to sit up. Robbe does the same.

‘What is it?’ Sander looks worried.

‘Do you think maybe it’s time to go to the police?’ Robbe suggests.

‘About that fight three weeks ago?’ Sander asks. ‘Weren’t the police there? Wasn’t that already solved?’

‘No not about that.’ Robbe shakes his head. ‘About what happened in November.’

‘In November?’ Sander is visibly shaken, and Robbe starts to wonder if this was a good idea. But he’s started the conversation now, he needs to commit.

‘Yeah. I just-‘ He starts.

‘I thought we’d already closed that chapter.’ Sander cuts him off.

‘When? I mean, we never really talked about it. You just said you didn’t want to go, and whenever I’ve tried to bring it up again you just change the subject.’

‘Because there isn’t anything to talk about. I don’t want to go to the police. End of discussion.’ Sander is starting to raise his voice.

‘But why not?’ Robbe also raises his voice. ‘I think it would be good for the both of us. Zoë said-‘

‘Robbe can we please stop talking about this?’ Sander begs, looking at Robbe with puppy eyes. Robbe wants to give in and just go back to cuddling, but he knows he shouldn’t.

‘I just don’t get why you don’t want to go.’ He says.

‘Because it doesn’t help anybody. The police only make everything worse.’

‘What do you mean? Do you have experience with them?’

‘That’s not important.’ Sander looks away.

‘Yes it is.’ Robbe grabs Sander’s hand. ‘You can talk to me about things like this. You know that, right?’

‘I really don’t want to bother you with that.’ Sander mumbles, not looking at Robbe.

‘Bother me?’ Robbe grabs his face and turns is so that they look in each other’s eyes. ‘Sander I love you-‘

‘Why are you suddenly bringing this up anyway?’

‘I don’t know. I’ve wanted to talk about it for a while and now just seems like a good time. I guess I was just hoping to get some answers.’

‘What about?’

‘No, forget it.’ Robbe realizes that he really doesn’t want to bring up anything else right now.

‘Answers about what, Robbe?’ Robbe hesitates for a second, but then decides to commit.

‘I don’t know. About that girl.’

‘What girl? I’m not following.’ Robbe gets up from his bed and walks over to his desk, where he keeps the painting of the young girl that he keeps seeing everywhere.

‘This girl.’ He says, showing the painting. ‘One time you said she’s a family friend, the other time you said she’s your cousin.’ Sander gets off the bed.

‘So I misspoke.’ He says. ‘Why does it matter?’ Robbe puts the painting down on his desk.

‘It doesn’t matter.’ He puts his hands on Sander’s chest and looks in his eyes. ‘Like I said. Just forget about it.’

‘Don’t you trust me?’ Sander takes a step back.

‘Of course I trust you, Sander.’ Robbe says.

‘It kind of sounds like you don’t.’

‘I just want to understand.’ Robbe grabs Sander’s hand, but he pulls it away.

‘I thought you did understand.’ He snaps. ‘I thought you understood me. I guess I was wrong.’

‘Of course I understand you.’ Robbe tries, putting his hand on Sander’s cheek.

‘You know what? Fuck this.’ Sander storms off. ‘I need some air.’ He leaves the bedroom and storms through the hallway.

‘Sander!’ Robbe yells after him ‘Wait! Sander!’ He watches as Sander grabs his coat and leaves through the door, slamming it shut behind him. At first, Robbe plans to go after him, but then he realizes that that’s probably the last thing Sander wants right now. He leans against the wall. How could he be so stupid? He shouldn’t have brought it up. He knew this was a sensitive subject. He was just being selfish. But it’s fine, right? It’s just a fight, right? Every couple has fights. But they’re not every couple. He bangs his head against the wall, he feels tears start welling in his eyes. He can’t believe he just managed to fuck it up with Sander again. He finally had him, they were finally happy, but of course Robbe had to ruin it.

‘You just need to give him some space.’ Milan’s voice sounds. Robbe opens his eyes to see Milan and Zoë’s worried faces staring at him.

‘Don’t you two start.’ He snarls. ‘You’re the ones who told me to talk to him in the first fucking place.’ He heads off to his room. His mind racing between thoughts of anger, guilt and frustration.

‘Robbe-‘ Zoë tries.

‘Fuck off.’ Robbe slams his bedroom door behind him.


End file.
